Telling the grandchildren, ‘I have cancer’

‘ You have cancer.” When my friend Patsy Lucas heard those words, her first question to me was, “How do we tell the grandchildren?”

Two sources she found helpful were the website www.tellingkidsaboutcancer. and the book “When Someone You Love Has Cancer — A Guide to Help Kids Cope.”

Grandparents and parents prepared, and the two sets of twins were told. As is normal, one 11-yearold granddaughter was quiet and didn’t want to talk about it, but her twin sister wanted to know, “Grammy, are they going to cut your boob off?”

Seven-year old Avery, when told the medicine for Grammy might make her very sick, had a difficult time understanding if doctors give medicine to make you well, why would Grammy be sick? And when she heard Grammy’s hair might fall out, Avery was horrified to think her grandmother might look like her balding daddy!

Her twin brother, Davis, asked the questions grownups are too polite to ask, “Grammy, do you think you are going to make it?”

“Yes, Davis, I think I am going to make it.”

“You know, I think you are, too! But if you don’t, then what happens?”

“Well, then I go to heaven.”

“You know I plan to go there, too.”

“Good. I will be up there waiting for you.”

“Sounds good.” And with that, Patsy said the conversation was over.

Just like adults, children feel confusion and fear and have difficulty understanding what is happening. Talk honestly with them at an age-appropriate level ... and then listen and answer questions. They will let you know what they need.