Guilt mingles with grief after boyfriend’s death
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend died unexpectedly a few months ago, and it has been a struggle to get through my sadness. We had been through a lot in the year and a half we were dating, including some infidelities on my part. Aside from my sadness and guilt, I’m struggling with the fear that I’ll never live down my infidelities or be able to make it up to him. It is clouding the positive memories I have of him. I don’t know how to stop my thoughts from going all over the place. Please help.
— Sad in Sacramento DEAR SAD: None of us can change the past. I assume that you have now learned that it’s best to remain faithful in your romantic relationships. That’s a step in the right direction. Resolve that in future relationships you won’t stray, and if you are tempted to, you will discuss with your boyfriend what you feel is missing in your relationship. As to how to disrupt the intrusive memories that keep flooding back, a technique many people use is to REMIND themselves to stay in the moment each time an unwanted memory pops up. The technique is called “mindfulness.”
DEAR ABBY: I am wondering what the rule is for socializing at the gym. I work out twice a week with a friend, and we usually do part of our workout on the treadmill. While we walk, we will chat. We don’t talk loudly, and we never use offensive language. It’s just general chit-chat about kids, work, etc. Twice, one woman (the same woman) has ordered us to stop talking because we “bother” her. She wears headphones while she watches TV, but she says she can still hear us.
Abby, when I wear headphones (even on a very low volume), it tunes out almost everything. By her strong reaction, I am assuming this woman is unusually sensitive to noise, but this is a gym, not a library. We never monopolize the machines. I don’t think I have ever been called rude in any other situation, and I always try to be pleasant and accommodating, so I would appreciate your thoughts.
— Cheryl in Houston DEAR CHERYL: When people work out at a shared facility, they have to expect there will be other people there. Treadmills make noise, and sometimes it’s necessary to speak in a louder than normal voice in order to be heard. If the woman complains again, suggest she move to a treadmill farther away or increase the volume on her headphones so your conversation won’t disturb her. She might be happier if she worked out at a different time when the place isn’t as full. UNIVERSAL UCLICK
Leigh Hunt, an English poet and writer who died in 1859, said, “If you are ever at a loss to support a flagging conversation, introduce the subject of eating.”
At the bridge table, you may wonder which topic to introduce first: support for partner or your own suit? Look at the North hand in the diagram. South opens one spade, and West overcalls two clubs. What should North do?
His choices (in the modern game) are a three-club cue-bid to show spade support and at least game-invitational strength, or two hearts to mention his own long suit.
Normally, I would recommend support with support, but this is such a good heart suit. Also, if it is a slam deal, mentioning that suit will surely help the auction flow more smoothly. Yes, if North “belatedly” agrees spades, South might expect only two-card support, but that will not always be the case.
In this deal, whichever North does, the final contract will surely be four spades -- as it was at all 16 tables in a duplicate. What was the normal result?
West led his singleton diamond. Then it went either: diamond to the ace, club to the queen (or 10), club ace, club ruff (or overruff), diamond ruff and club ruff (dummy’s last diamond was discarded); or diamond to the ace, diamond ruff, club ace, club ruff, diamond ruff, club ruff (or overruff) -- in both cases, the result being down three.
The game contract that might have gotten through was three no-trump. Double dummy, to defeat that, West must lead his diamond; East takes the trick and shifts to his club. The curious may work out the rest.