Spreading ‘The Caleb Effect’
Couple cope with young son’s death by performing acts of kindness.
Caleb Wile spent two years on this Earth, enchanting family, friends and even strangers with his loving personality.
Though he died in May 2016, his parents Adam and Bernadette “Bernie” Wile are making sure the Mustang toddler’s zest for life and penchant for kindness lives on.
They call it “The Caleb Effect.”
Caleb was born on Feb. 9, 2014, so to honor him, the Wiles and their friends and family perform an act of kindness on the ninth of each month.
And beyond these monthly tributes, the couple distribute colorful Hot Wheels cars — Caleb’s favorite toys — to children in restaurants who seem to need a whimsical pick-me-up.
Bernie Wile said the acts of kindness initiative evolved from her blog in which she wrote about her day-to-day feelings of grief and efforts to cope after Caleb’s unexpected death.
She said her son had not been sick, and there were no warning signs that death was imminent.
Bernie Wile said many people began to read her blog and reach out to her. One day, she decided to share the essence of Caleb’s short time of on Earth with his message that people need to be nice to and love one another.
“After a year, I just decided I wanted to make his life stronger than his death,” she said.
She said her and her husband
wanted to show kindness and influence others to be kind just as their little boy had influenced them.
“It’s a very, very powerful effect that this 2-year-old had. He was a happy-go-lucky boy, never met a stranger. He taught us way more than what we taught him,” she said.
Adam Wile agreed.
“For us, Caleb was an embodiment of pure innocence. He would see the person. He wouldn’t notice the clothes they were wearing or the car they were driving,” Adam Wile said.
He said through Caleb, he and his wife learned to be nice, love everyone and forgive anyone.
But it wasn’t enough to just spout these words. “We wanted to be an example,” he said.
Thus, Adam Wile said he didn’t hesitate to support his wife’s idea of performing random acts of kindness to honor Caleb.
‘Change that the world needs’
Bernie Wile said “Our goal in life now is to make Caleb proud.”
So, on July 9, the couple, who are members of St. Luke’s United Methodist Church, set out with a small group of friends to make the world brighter for a few unsuspecting people. The pair had just been the recipients of the Pay it Forward segment sponsored by KFOR-TV and First Fidelity Bank so their generosity was shared with people connected to that segment in some way.
First, they gathered at the Edmond home of Cody Price. The couple delivered a care package full of comic books and other gifts designed to keep Cody from being homesick during his first stint away from home at Camp Blue Hawk, a camp for youths with diabetes.
Cody’s family was surprised and touched by the Wiles’ thoughtfulness.
“I think it’s the change that the world needs,” said Mandy Price, Cody’s mom.
“Bernie has always been so loving and caring. To turn such tragedy into good and love is not always possible for many people, and she makes it seem so easy,” Price said.
The Wiles’ next stop was the Barrett Field Splash Pad at Kelly Avenue and W Main Street in Edmond.
The couple and their friends passed out Hot Wheels cars, children’s books and flyers featuring the premise of “The Caleb Effect.”
Youths at the splash pad eagerly reached for the toys and books while their parents thanked the Wiles for the unexpected gifts.
“Thank you so much. I’m so sorry for your loss,” one dad told the couple, after reading one of the flyers about young Caleb.
The last stop was the Central Oklahoma Humane Society, a favorite charity of the Wiles’ longtime friend Shannon Nagy, who nominated them for Pay It Forward.
The couple, with Nagy, delivered kitty litter, trash bags, bleach, paper towels and other items listed on the wish list posted on the humane society’s website.
Brittany Copeland, a humane society pet adoption specialist, was happy to accept the donations.
“I love it. It’s amazing. We needed litter so badly because it is kitten season, so it’s definitely going to help us,” she said.
‘Universal language’
Meanwhile, Adam Wile said the acts of kindness idea appears to be spreading more and more particularly among other people who have lost a child or another loved one.
“It’s a way for people to deal with grief. It’s out of the box,” he said.
In recent months, the couple’s monthly kindness sharing has included giving out quarters at a local laundry mat.
Bernie Wile said people who decide to share kindness as part of The Caleb Effect have been asked to post about their experiences on the initiative’s Facebook page.
“We say ‘The Caleb Effect’ is a universal language, which is to be kind,” she said.
“If we’re all nice to each other, can you imagine what the world would be like?”
In late July, the couple enthusiastically shared the news that “The Caleb Effect” had spread to all 50 states in the nation and more than 30 countries around the world.
“Keep spreading the love, and let us know how The Caleb Effect is influencing you in your world, wherever you are!” they wrote in a July 26 Facebook posting.
“THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU !!!! ”