Here’s your hat
In 1939, the perfect hat was fit for a queen — or for an everyday Oklahoma woman.
Often, when an major event is covered in the newspaper, it will be the sidebars, stories that have a connection, however tenuous, to the main story, that attract attention.
Last week’s Archivist mentioned Great Britain’s King George VI and Queen Elizabeth’s visit to the United States of America. Next to The
Oklahoman’s June 12, 1939, page one story describing the picnic the royals enjoyed with President Franklin D. Roosevelt and first lady Eleanor Roosevelt at Hyde Park was this local item:
Grocers learned all about women and all about women’s hats Sunday. The secret of a woman’s character, and of her purse, is carried on her head, they were told.
Even Queen Elizabeth would be fair game to the Oklahoma clerks, no matter which of her many creations she chose — with one exception.
J. Sidney Johnson, who told on the women, neglected to tell what kind of women wear diamond tiaras, such as adorned the queen’s hair at the garden party in Washington.
Johnson, who is merchandising-advertising director for Independent Grocers’ alliance, put on the hats he described.
‘Here,’ he said, putting on a bright yellow thing with a long trailing veil, ‘we have the hard-to-please type. She is critical, and she knows her merchandise.’
But she’s easy, if you work her right, he hastened to explain. ‘Humor and flatter her,’ he said. ‘Tell her you wish your other customers were such intelligent buyers.’
The perfect item for the woman in the yellow hat with a tail is a box of soda crackers, Johnson revealed.
If she puts up a fight, tell her there are 36 inches of crackers in one box, and she’ll realize you’ve got something.
‘Next comes the High-Hat,’ said Johnson, putting on a black creation that looked like a stove pipe with a tall feather.’She comes from the right side of the tracks. She’s very aloof and wants to put you in your place. Sell her some pickles.’
‘Here’s our Timid Customer,’ said Johnson, coming out wearing a tight skull cap with an appendage resembling a kitchen skillet with a rose frying in the center of it, this coming down over the face and hiding one eye.
The Timid Customer is easy, it developed.
‘Get her confidence,’ Johnson advised. ‘Make her feel right at home.’
Then, when she’s feeling at home sell her a can of soup. For some reason, a timid woman is an easy mark for soup.
Next in the style revue was a glaring, red, very severe hat with no fancy doo-dads or feathers.
This, said Johnson from underneath the brim, is the had worn by the Irritable Type.’Don’t argue with this one,’ Johnson warned.
‘You’ll make her mad. Sell her a can of dried beef.’
Dried beef seems to go fine with severe red hats because dried beef has no shrinkage.
There are two other kinds of women, he said, but he didn’t have their hats with him.
These are the Cautious, and the Bargain Hunting types. The Cautious can’t make up her mind and the Bargain Hunter is interested only in prices.
Fact that the tiara wasn’t mentioned apparently didn’t bother the grocers. They aren’t expecting her.
While the Queen of England stills wears her hat and tiaras, the wearing of hats for most women went out of style by the ‘60s, and J. Sidney Johnson’s interesting hat theory has joined them.
If you would like to contact Mary Phillips about The Archivist, email her at gapnmary@gmail.com