Wife can’t forgive herself for affair

DEAR ABBY: About 12 years ago, I made a terrible mistake and had an affair. My husband loved me enough to forgive me, and our marriage has been fine ever since. The problem is, I can’t forgive myself. I hate myself! I could have lost everything, including our two kids. I think of all the time I wasted when I could have shared that time with them, and I beat myself up daily over this.

I have been depressed for so long. How do I get over this? I’m on meds, but it’s deeper than that. I feel I have a seat waiting in hell because of it. So —no chance for heaven —what’s the point in trying to be happy?

I can’t afford counseling, and I don’t have a priest to talk to. Is there some kind of counseling group online I could join?

— Miserable in Colorado DEAR MISERABLE: It appears that, not satisfied with waiting for hell in the hereafter, you have managed to create one for yourself right here on Earth. Because it appears you’re having a crisis of the soul, confide in a member of the clergy of another faith, if there’s one nearby. Trust me, it won’t be the first time he or she has heard a story like yours, and it may bring you comfort.

DEAR ABBY: I have a fear of “threes.” My brother, whom I never met, died at 3 months because he had a hole in his heart. My dad died at 43, the day before his 44th birthday. My other brother also died at the age of 43. Mom died in the third month (March) when she was 63 years old, and that’s just immediate family. Other family members and a couple of friends also had the number three connected to their untimely deaths.

Whenever the number three comes up, it drives me crazy. I just turned 40 and was miserable during my 30s, anticipating that I would be next. I’m sure I’ll be fine for another two years, but knowing my dad and brother died at 43 will make me fearful for the whole year. Am I cursed?

— Numbers Phobia DEAR NUMBERS PHOBIA: You have experienced more loss in your life than the average person. For that I offer my sympathy. However,three isn’t YOUR unlucky number —it was the unlucky number of the people who DIED. Because a particular fate befalls someone close does not guarantee the same misfortune will happen to you. Stop diminishing your quality of life with morbid thoughts. It is your negative thinking that’s the curse.

DEAR ABBY: What should I have told my heartbroken 6-year-old daughter when all the other girls (four) on our block were invited to a birthday party except her?

— Minnesota Mom DEAR MOM: I would have told her that we were going to do something special that day —just the two of us —and then I would have made it happen. UNIVERSAL UCLICK

Duffy Daugherty, who won two national championships as the head coach of Michigan State University, said, “Football is not a contact sport. Football is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.”

Bridge is often a contact sport -- declarer needs to keep contact with his hand or the dummy, or the defenders need to keep contact with each other. How does that apply in today’s deal? South is in four hearts. The defenders start with three rounds of diamonds. How should declarer continue?

I am not fond of that one-no-trump opening bid with no stoppers in the pointed suits. However, if South opens one club, and North responds one spade, South would have an unpleasant rebid. Maybe one no-trump is the lesser of the evils.

After the diamond ace (East signals with the jack), a diamond to the 10 and the diamond king, declarer, knowing that West is out of diamonds, ruffs high. Now South needs to establish clubs, draw trumps and run the clubs. But if he draws trumps immediately, West will duck the first round of clubs, and South will have lost contact with his hand. He must draw only two rounds of hearts, using his ace and dummy’s queen, then play on clubs. When West takes his ace and shifts to spades, declarer wins with dummy’s ace, plays a heart to his king to remove West’s final thorn and cashes his club winners.

Yes, East missed the better defense of shifting to his singleton club at trick three. But that could just as easily have been suicidal. (Even more psychic is a low-diamond lead by West, followed by a club shift from East!)