Bringing up baby
Host frustrated that baby is coming to party.
QUESTION: My husband and I recently hosted a gender reveal party for our daughter and son-in-law. The guest list included multiple generations of friends and family. I was surprised when two of the young couples responded and said that they would be bringing their babies who are just a few months old.
The invitation was not addressed to “The Family of ...”. They also did not ask if it would be OK; I was just informed through their response. Is this a common practice? Am I wrong to be a little offended? I have told my daughter that I feel that this is inappropriate and discouraged her from doing this with her own children.
CALLIE’S ANSWER: Is this a sit-down dinner gender reveal? The gender reveals I have been to are very casual, which is maybe why some couples responded that they would be bringing their children.
This party involves “children” and/or babies, and having them there is so fun! Enjoy this time and congratulations!
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: First, let’s talk in general and then get specific. You are right to teach your children to always ask if it’s appropriate to bring their own kids when they’re unsure or, really, to leave them at home unless they’re not specifically included on an invitation. That’s good etiquette. However, I’m not surprised that young couples thought that a gender reveal party — celebrating a new baby — might include their own babies.
Usually, gender reveal parties aren’t formal events, and they often engage entire families in the exciting process. How fun for the little ones, as well as the grown-ups!
Your occasion sounds lovely, and more elaborate than a quick reveal in the backyard, so next time, specify that this is a grown-up-only party, or tell them when they call to RSVP that it’s not for children. But don’t be too hard on the couples who made the mistake this time. They’re in baby mode, your daughter and her husband are in baby mode, and you’re in baby mode. (Maybe you can take comfort in the fact that they RSVP’d and that you knew in advance.) But now it’s time to move on and cherish the little one who is coming soon and who will grow up fast!
HELEN’S ANSWER: It is always appropriate to ask the question “Could I bring my baby?” And it is always appropriate for the hostess to answer “No, it is an adultsonly event.” But to be informed of the fact that a child is coming, without an invitation, is not appropriate.
You are right to make your children aware of the wording of an invitation. And next time, add “adults-only” to the invitation. And this time, enjoy your event! It is great to be a grandmother!
GUEST’S ANSWER: Devonne Carter, licensed clinical social worker who has taught etiquette classes at Oklahoma Christian University: How fun! Gender reveal parties are wonderful. I believe it is another way to celebrate our next generation, our children. I am all for celebrating babies!
I have to let you know that yes, it is common for people to bring their children with them. It also is common that they do not know the etiquette of the invitation wording. Most people take their children with them everywhere they go, and they probably never noticed the kids were not invited.
If you prefer to host another party sans kiddos, I would suggest you spell out on the invitation, “Adults Only” so the younger set knows to hire a baby sitter for the event. The most important element in this picture is YOU ARE GOING TO BE A GRANDMA! Congratulations. Love and cherish that little one!
Callie Athey is 20-something, Lillie-Beth Brinkman is in her 40s, and social columnist Helen Ford Wallace is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.