Reading body language can avoid hurt feelings

There is more to communicating than words. And the next few weeks, it may be helpful with family to understand how nonverbal message are communicated. Only 7 to 10 percent of messages are communicated with actual words. If we are unsure about what the person really means, we tend to believe the body.

Here are some clues.

If arms and legs are crossed, you should withdraw forceful questions and focus on being friendly. If arms and/or legs are loose and relaxed, proceed without concern.

If eyes are looking upward, the listener is considering something. If eyes are darting around, the listener may feel threatened or uncomfortable.

Tense facial muscles may be a sign that the listener is suffering information overload and it’s time to take a break.

Bored: Staring into space, slumped posture, doodling, and/or foot tapping.

Agreeing or disagreeing with you: Acceptance is signaled by open hands, person fully facing you and both feet planted on the ground. If rejecting, arms are usually folded, legs crossed and body turned away.

Ashamed: Eyes are typically down.

Guilty: Eyes will look to the side.

Amazed: Hands are often on top of head.

Puzzled or confused: Head scratching.

Eager: Open legs, feet under chair, on toes.

Angry: Leaning forward, finger pointing, clenched fists, jaws tensed, hands on hips, and frowning

Defensive: Standing, leaning forward, hands clenched, feet pointing in.

Becoming aware of another’s body language is an often-neglected step in learning how to improve communication and is too often completely ignored when speaking with family members. Good salespeople instinctively do it. The rest of us can benefit from learning.