You can choose how you respond to challenges

Will the mistake you made be a disaster or a learning experience? You choose.

Will the argument with your family member this morning mean you will have a bad day or a good day? You choose. Choice is powerful. Dr. William Glasser is probably best known as the author of “Reality Therapy,” but 15 years later, he wrote “Choice Theory.” He believed one could choose happiness. He asserted the only person one controls in this world is oneself; that the effort to change others is doomed, and worse, is the actual cause of emotional problems; that to meet the most profound human need — “to love and be loved” — people can repair strained relationships with their family, friends and co-workers by adjusting the one variable they control, which is their own behavior. That means you stop blaming others for your unhappiness, and you choose to break the cycle of continually reliving past hurts. When this happens, one’s chance for happiness is significantly increased.

In a 1984 interview, Glasser said he formulated his basic ideas while serving his residency at a VA hospital. He observed what they were teaching, in effect, was that wounded soldiers were the victims of factors and circumstances beyond their control.

“I objected to that,” Glasser said. “My way of working with the veterans was approaching them as if they had choices to make. My question was always, “What are you going to do about your life, beginning today?”

Anyone who has lived a long time has encountered circumstances that left them wounded in some way. While our lives have been altered, we sometimes forget we have a choice of how our changed life will be lived. We can continually relive the hurts, which means we will live out life as a victim, or we can choose what we are going to do with our lives, beginning today.

How would you answer that question?

Charlotte Lankard is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Contact her at clankard@ oklahoman.com.