Tennis partners finding fault
QUESTION: I joined a competitive tennis team. I enjoy the challenge of improving my game and playing in matches. What I hadn’t anticipated were the off-the-court politics with team members and that I was expected to take sides in discussions. Can you help me with some basic tips on how to navigate through the complex social circumstances?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: I think you simply voice that you have no opinion in the matter if someone asks you. I would then change the subject to something else. No need to discuss or add to the conversation if it makes you uncomfortable.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Do your best to simply listen without comment. If you don’t want to be associated with the group that’s doing all the talking, then excuse yourself if you can. And if you have to respond, you can say something like “I wasn’t there when XYZ happened so I can’t offer an opinion about how it unfolded” or “I am here to enjoy playing tennis with all of you and don’t want to get involved in off-thecourt discussions” and try to change the subject. Do what feels natural. And it sounds like it feels natural to avoid weighing in on who is right and who is wrong, so that’s what I would do.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Anytime you are in a group situation and have time for discussion, the subject matter might not be what you want to talk about. Handle that by changing the subject if you can, or politely let your team members know that you are unable to make comments about certain discussions.
If the topic gets too involved, you might take a break and walk away from the chat.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Kirsten Cash, speech-language pathologist: First and foremost, whatever you do say, make sure to keep your comments neutral. You do not want to “serve” a comment that may be quoted out of context making it seem as if you have taken sides.
Be careful to avoid even an “mmm-hmm,” which may be misconstrued as tacit agreement. Better yet, look for an opportunity to change the topic (e.g., “Gosh, that sounds frustrating for you. Hey, I noticed you have a great serve; do you have any pointers to help me with mine?”) or politely excuse yourself from the conversation.
If all else fails, I would be politely direct and say something such as, “I am so sorry to hear you are having difficulties with some of the other players. I really enjoy everyone here and would rather not be involved in personal matters. But I would really love to know where you got that visor!” or some other such appropriate reference.