Teen who raised siblings wants respect as parent
DEAR ABBY: I’m 18. I started helping to take care of children at the age of 2. I have taken care of them alone since I was 7. Yet every time older people talk about child care, I am rudely excluded from the conversation with comments like, “You don’t know what we’re talking about. You’re not a parent.” And, “You’re just a kid. You only THINK you know what you’re talking about.” I even get these kinds of comments from people who have asked me for advice. I know it shouldn’t bother me, yet it does. After raising my younger siblings by myself and taking care of the house, is it wrong for me to consider myself a parent?
— Practically a Parent DEAR PRACTICALLY A PARENT: No, in my opinion it isn’t. Of this I am certain: You have more parenting experience than the adults who left a 7-year-old caring for her siblings by herself without supervision. According to the law, that qualifies as child neglect and abuse.
DEAR ABBY: I’m almost 30. I have a full-time job, and I’m still going to school. I recently moved back in with my parents to save money on rent so I can be debt-free in a year (I have only my car payment and one small student loan). Is it considered socially acceptable to be living with my parents at my age? By now should I already be settled in a career? I don’t have friends my age inside or out of work, so it’s hard for me to find the answers to my questions. I am hoping you can help.
— Kelley in California DEAR KELLEY: Please stop beating yourself up or worrying about what’s “socially acceptable.” Your reason for moving in with your parents is valid. In another year, you will have achieved your goal.
The success you’re trying to attain takes time, not to mention some degree of luck. Accept that becoming established in a career doesn’t happen overnight, and allow yourself enough leeway to earn your degree and get on track without being so self-critical.
DEAR ABBY: How do I gracefully ask a bridesmaid to step down? She has been extremely unhelpful and missed all the events in the planning of my wedding. The problem is, she has already bought her dress. What do I do in a situation like this?
— Dress Dilemma DEAR DILEMMA: It depends. Ask yourself (calmly) what will you gain by asking her to step down, and what do you have to lose?
If you are considering it because you plan to replace her, the big day has already been planned and the events are over. Would her replacement be purely decorative? If you want to punish her, understand that because she has paid for her dress there will be hard feelings, and if she’s a family member, there will be consequences later. (Frankly, if I were you, I wouldn’t toss my bridal bouquet in her direction.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com
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UNIVERSAL UCLICK
Henny Youngman said, “How to drive a guy crazy: Send him a telegram and on the top put ‘page 2.’”
How to drive an opening leader crazy: Give him a wild auction like this one. What should West lead against seven spades undoubled? Would West’s choice of card change if East had doubled the final contract?
South opened four no-trump, hoping partner had the heart ace, so that he could play in seven no-trump. But when North denied that card, South confidently leapt to seven spades.
Against seven spades undoubled, a naive West would lead the heart ace, but South would ruff, draw trumps and claim. A more rational West would lead a trump, hoping South had a two-suiter and eventually would lose a trick in the side suit because his ruffing power had been critically reduced.
In this deal, though, East must double seven spades -- which means what?
There is little point in doubling a grand slam because you think it is going down one. You increase the penalty by a very small amount (50 or 100 points), but if they make it, they get even more points (from 190 to 260); and perhaps they will redouble. Also, they might run from the doubled grand slam that was going down into another grand slam that makes.
Against a grand slam, double should show a void and a desire to get a ruff at trick one. Now West ought to find the killing diamond lead.
This is the so-called Lightner Slam Double, named for the late Theodore Lightner.