Mealing it in
How Japanese Breakfast’s Michelle Zauner turned to food, music to cope with loss
As a kid, Michelle Zauner defended the red squid tentacles packed in her school lunch box.
Being half Korean was a constant struggle. The teasing was endless, and the probing questions about her heritage got old quickly. Zauner grew up in the Pacific Northwest in a very small and very white town without any Asian friends. She only felt Korean when it came to meals.
You can listen to her music, but if you want to get to know Zauner ENTERTAINMENT WRITER best then find her awardwinning essay — “Real Life: Love, Loss, and Kimchi.” In it, she details the death of her mother in a narrative that not only inspired her to test family recipes but also paints an achingly raw portrait of the grieving process.
“My dishes are never exactly like my mom’s, but that’s OK,” she wrote. “They’re still a delicious tribute. The more I learn, the closer I feel to her.”
Zauner’s turning 29, and it’s a wonder she even has time to cook with how busy she is touring the world as Japanese Breakfast, supporting her sophomore record “Soft Sounds
From Another Planet,” designing video games and directing increasingly ambitious music videos for herself and her friends’ bands. Her dreamy, synth-laden songs also are inspired by her mother’s passing. She actually started writing Japanese Breakfast tracks only weeks after her mother died of cancer.
“When that happened, I was worried that if I allowed myself to fall into a deep depression, I wouldn’t have the ability to climb out of it ever, ”she told
The Oklahoman on the phone. Her personal lyrics— especially the ones on her 2016 debut “Psychopomp” — are awash in shimmering arrangements that flex the power of pop music. She tells sensitive stories in a sunny way. That’s all in the face of a life full of speed bumps.
“I have been playing music, making records and performing at live shows since I was 16,” she said. “I gave it a really solid go from ages 16-25, and I just kept getting spit out.”
Sleeping on floors, getting fired from countless restaurant
gigs and freaking out about unemployment gets old. But a combination of luck and great music vaulted Zauner out of obscurity and onto legitimate tours and a supportive push from indie powerhouse Dead Oceans.
Her band, Japanese Breakfast, will make its first visit to Oklahoma to headline the first night of Norman Music Festival on Thursday. Here’s a few highlights from my conversation with Zauner.
Q: I loved your essay. Can you tell me how you wrote such a touching piece and its path to getting published?
Zauner: I’ve always erred on the darker end of things. I’m a pretty sensitive person, and I get depressed easily. It’s something that I’ve fought against my entire life. I was scared of myself and my emotional health and how it might deteriorate after my mom passed away . ... The essay went through a lot of editing phases.The whole narrative was similar to “Psychopomp.” My essay wasn’t commissioned. It won a contest, but Idon’t remember applying.
I think it’s important for people to know this. When
I had finished “Psychopomp.” I had sent it to 10 very small labels — not even Sub Pop, not Matador, not Dead
Oceans — and no one wanted to put it out. Same with the essay. I just sent it to every contest that didn’t have an entry fee and to every blog that I’d wanted to read it on. Every couple of months, a rejection letter would arrive. About nine months later, “Psychopomp” started doing really well, and around the same time Glamour magazine reached out and told me I won. I thought it was a scam.
Q: Have you found any time to work on more nonfiction writing?
Zauner: Yeah, I did take a month and a half off when I was living in Korea this last December. We did an Asian tour, and our last show was in Seoul. I stayed there for a month and a half to work on what I hope will be a book someday. It’s kind of an extension of the essay . ... I wrote maybe 100 pages, and a lot of it needs to be edited. At this point, we have a pretty full year of touring. There are some video projects I want to work on. I need to start thinking about a third record and writing that. The book might have to go on hold for a while.
Q: Your music videos are fun to watch. Are they as satisfying creatively as, say, making an album?
Zauner: It’s totally different. I’ve been making records since
I was 16 years old. I’ve learned so much. With any craft, at the beginning, you pick up a new medium and learn so quickly. You can see yourself taking these leaps of progress. If you’ve been doing something for a long time your progress is so much smaller. It’s really, really tiny steps of progress in music at this point. It’s satisfying to watch myself take enormous leaps. That’s where I’m at with directing.
Q: I have to ask you about making your own video game, “Japanese Breakquest.” Was that fun?
Zauner: You really moved through my arsenal of media. I swear I don’t have multiple personalities . ... I haven’t played it since it was released. How is it?
Q: It was surprisingly detailed. I enjoyed collecting records and finding all the game’s Easter Eggs. Was that what you were hoping for?
Zauner: Yeah! I actually designed that game with Elaine Fath. She did all of the actual coding. I was kinda like … in charge of approving the character design and coming up with the story, setting and the Easter Eggs. It was a fun project to work on with just one other woman. The budget was tiny. My husband, Peter Bradley, turned all the “Soft
Sounds” album tacks into MIDI. I love the way it turned out. I hope that I get to do it again.
Q: It sounds like you’re surrounded by people who inspire all these creative endeavors but how much of your output comes from pushing yourself?
Zauner: I have always wanted to be a musician, but it’s such a difficult path and it’s so rare. I’m surrounded by brilliant, creative people and a lot of them never get to have the opportunity that I do . ... It’s just a really, really hard life and there’s a lot of rejection from people saying they hate you and your music. My whole life, my parents wanted to be supportive but they were also realistic. They encouraged me to not do music. Even today, people don’t believe what I’m doing is a career. It’s hard to be treated like I have the job of a teenager.
It’s embarrassing. It wasn’t ever that I didn’t want to do it, but it was just everyone led me to believe it was not real that it was a complete fantasy to be a rock star. It sounds so stupid even saying this out loud. I think it wasn’t so much that people pushed me into it. I had these great opportunities come to me . ... I got really lucky after experiencing something really unlucky.