Daughter’s sexuality rocks angry mother
DEAR ABBY: My daughter recently informed me that she has met someone and the someone happens to be a woman. My reaction was, of course, shock and anger, although I have kind of suspected over the years that she is a lesbian. She is 43 and was married for 10 years. She has two children and has been divorced for about 11 years now. She dated a few guys, but either had no luck with them or it didn’t last. I don’t know how to handle this because I’m against people being gay. I see it as unnatural and think they all have issues. I don’t treat gay people any different from anyone else, but I do keep them at a distance. Now I don’t know how to proceed with our relationship. Please help.
— Shocked and Angry Mom DEAR S. AND A.: One reason gay people have “issues,” as you put it, is because they have to endure nonacceptance from the family members they love. Your 43-yearold daughter has spent years not being who she really is — possibly to please you — and now she must be her authentic self. If you want any relationship with her, apologize and tell her you overreacted. Tell her you love her and explain that you need time to accept this. Hope that she forgives you.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 31-year-old mother of two — a 3-year-old and a 2-month-old. My children have the same father. We co-parent, which has its ups and downs (more downs). We have been friends with benefits for five years, longer than we were a true couple. Recently I found out he has introduced our kids to another woman he’s dating. I feel hurt because I have feelings for him that I can’t let go of. How do I keep from falling apart from the loss of the only relationship I know? I know it’s over, but I can’t help hoping we will get back together.
— Hopelessly in Love
DEAR HOPELESSLY IN LOVE: Stop stowing your own emotional life in the deep freeze waiting for him to come back. Ask him to level with you about why your relationship didn’t lead to marriage. Something important was missing or it would have happened when you had his first child.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a man in my mid-60s. Recently, I had to put my elderly cat, “Taffy,” to sleep. I loved her. When the vet asked if I would like some of her ashes, I didn’t want to take them home. Instead, I filled a jelly jar with her fur. (She had long hair and I had, for a year, been stuffing the fur I removed from her brush every night into a shoe box.) As a memorial to my beloved Taffy, I added some of her favorite kibble to the hair jar, and it now sits on her favorite window sill. You be the judge — cute or creepy?
— Cat Fancier in Florida
DEAR CAT FANCIER: It is the way you have chosen to cope with a painful loss, and you shouldn’t be judged for it. My condolences for your loss.