Front-porch sittin’
Conversations on the front porch can build bonds.
Irecently sat on my front porch and looked at the moon and stars in the gloaming of the evening. The air was crisp, and I felt relaxed and peaceful. It reminded me of sitting on the front porch of my parents’ home when I was a kid.
Back when I was growing up, it seemed every home had a front porch. Ours was screened in and contained several chairs and a swing. We didn’t have air-conditioning, so the porch became a cool respite from a muggy house. We would sit, talk in the twilight or simply swing in a comfortable silence periodically pockmarked with verbal observations.
When I lived in my parents' home, I often would find Dad on our front porch, pipe clenched between his teeth, a wreath of smoke encircling his head. While he nursed a cup of coffee, we would discuss great religious controversies, critique American foreign policy, estimate the speed of vehicles hurtling down our street and speculate on what I should be if I ever grew up.
Sometimes we spoke sparingly. Sitting with my father on our front porch swing, I learned to live comfortably with long silences. We let the squeak of the springs fill the quiet. Dad didn't feel the need to bridge pauses with idle words, and, after a while, I figured out I didn't need to either.
Being comfortable with silence is a craft worth learning.
I loved our front porch. It was a good place for communication when you needed a safe place to talk. You could sit in the semidarkness of the evening and have sideways conversations that didn’t require you to talk face to face. Sometimes sideways conversations are the best way to communicate. You can focus more on words when looking isn’t required. A front porch conversation allows for gaps and silences that would otherwise be awkward. If there’s silence, it could be because you’re looking at trees swaying in the wind, or a car rolling by or a pedestrian walking their dog. Silence is acceptable in front porch conversations; it allows for breathing space.
I think there is a need for more front porches and front porch conversations. If I could, I would urge homebuilders to get back into the habit of building front porches on homes. I think it would slow down the pace of our lives and increase communication in families.
If your home doesn’t have a front porch, you still can have front porch conversations. Find a designated place where you can talk with family members in an unhurried way. Maybe in a nearby park with benches. Or just a walk around the block. Then, just talk (or don't), unhurried.
I know our lives are hectic. Our calendar is filled with activities, and our to-do list is full. But every once in a while, we need to find a few moments to sit or walk in the gloaming with a loved one and have a slow, peaceful conversation in the cool night air. It will be a tonic for your soul.