Abused’s story has a familiar ring to it

COURTNEY Smith’s story probably sounds familiar to all too many women in Oklahoma. Perhaps others will benefit from hearing it. Smith is the ex-wife of the former recruiting coordinator and wide receivers coach at Ohio State University, Zach Smith. Zach Smith was fired by the school July 23, not long after it was learned that his ex-wife had filed an order of protection against him due to alleged domestic violence.

This is a giant story on the sports landscape because the school’s renowned head coach, Urban Meyer, may not survive the fallout. Meyer has changed his story about what he knew, and when, regarding Smith. Various media reports have said the alleged abuse was well-known among Meyer’s coaches and their wives.

Yet what interested us most was Courtney Smith’s interview with the website stadium.com, in which she talked about feeling trapped in the relationship. She said she texted pictures of the abuse she suffered to her mother and father, and to her husband’s father, “begging for help — like, this has to stop. This isn’t normal. I can’t do this anymore.”

Yet, she said, “I was told, ‘Don’t call the police. If you call the police, he’s going to get arrested, it’s going to go to the media, he’s going to lose his job. What are you and the kids gonna do?’”

Those responses are head-scratching, but not unusual — loved ones often express concern about the victim’s ability to provide for herself and her family if she exits the relationship. Those doubts are common for victims as well, as Smith acknowledged.

“Anyone who’s been abused, you really do think you can change them,” she said. “You think, ‘Well, if I do something different, he’ll change.’ And it’s not the case. They don’t change.”

The reporter who broke this story found that Zach Smith was arrested for aggravated battery in 2009, when his wife was two months pregnant. Smith was arrested again in October 2015, for felonious assault and domestic violence.

Police reports from 2012-17 show a history of domestic issues involving the couple. Courtney Smith was granted a restraining order in November 2015 and filed for divorce two days later.

She finally reached a point, she told stadium.com, where she decided “enough is enough. If I leave the marriage, I’m hoping this is going to stop. This has to stop.”

Each year, 12 million American women and men are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. That’s 24 people per minute, on average.

The NDVH says 1 in 4 women in the United States have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. In Oklahoma, the total is almost 4 in 10. Oklahoma’s rate of women killed by men consistently ranks among the worst in the country.

If you’re in an abusive relationship, or know someone who is, help is available around the clock in Oklahoma by calling 800-522-SAFE (7233), or by calling the national hotline at 800-799-SAFE. Courtney Smith was exactly right when she said, “They don’t change.”