Learning how to respond to grieving parents

M.O.M.S (Mothers Overcoming Mourning Support) is a group of mothers who have experienced the death of a child. They meet the first Friday of each month for lunch at 11:30 a.m. at Bravo’s restaurant at Memorial Road and Pennsylvania Avenue in Oklahoma City.

The group also is planning its first luncheon with a speaker for Saturday. Contact Reta at 405-317-1241.

Parents who’ve experienced the death of a child may look as if they are carrying on with their lives as before. Some may even have times of happiness and joy. Everything may look normal, but what they say is they “feel” empty — a feeling that doesn’t go away.

The challenge for the rest of us is to know how to respond. We would like to say something that would make them feel better. There are no such words.

So, what do we do? Following are suggestions from a grieving parent.

Don’t use aphorisms:At least he isn’t suffering anymore. She’s in a better place. It’s darkest just before dawn.

Don’t assume we are in the same place emotionally, spiritually or socially as you are. We can no longer live life as it used to be. We are faced with finding a new normal.

Don’t see your job as trying to get our minds off of it.We don’t need distractions, we need folks who are willing to go through it with us.

DO share memories. If you knew the child, share a favorite moment. If you did not, ask to see pictures and ask us to talk about him/her.

Do what you’re good at. After our daughter died, a group of ladies who crocheted got together, and when we arrived at church on Sunday, everyone in the congregation was wearing a small crocheted angel pinned on their lapel to show their support.

DO show up. Don’t assume we want to be alone. Take a day to help clean the house. Accompany us as we run errands.