Planned baby name renews pain of loss
DEAR ABBY: I come from a small, close family. Last year, we suffered a devastating loss. My cousin and her two children were killed in a car accident. We have all been profoundly affected by this loss, especially my aunt and uncle.
Fast forward: Another cousin is pregnant with her second child. She wants to name her daughter “Daisy” because she wants all her children to have flower-themed names. “Daisy” is the name of one of the children who died. I, and others in the family, are upset by her decision because her reason for choosing the name has nothing to do with honoring our lost family member.
My cousin is set on using this name despite family protests, and I can’t help but foresee bitterness ahead for us when we’ve already dealt with so much. What, if anything, can we do to make this situation more positive?
— Name Game in New York DEAR NAME GAME: Your cousin appears to have the empathy of a garden snail. Did it occur to anyone in the family to suggest to her that there are other flower names besides Daisy — Dalia, Daphne or even Desert Rose? (Her nickname could be “Desi,” which is cute.) If you haven’t, please do before the baby arrives. However, if she refuses to change her mind, it’s time for you to start memorizing the Serenity Prayer.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 22 years. He’s a diamond in the rough. My grown children, three boys, have always just tolerated him. They say he talks too much, doesn’t listen and still treats the younger two like children. I know he can be overbearing at times.
They have now ganged up and will no longer allow the grandchildren to come stay with me. They say my husband is too harsh in correcting them, which isn’t true. The only time he is loud and fast to correct is if the parents aren’t here to do it. They have offered no alternative solution.
Two have expressed to my husband how they feel. My husband is trying to acknowledge their feelings and wants to do better. How do we proceed as a family?
— Hurting Heart in South Carolina DEAR HURTING HEART: Look at this from your sons’ perspective. When they hear from your grandchildren that your grouchy (but well-meaning) husband yelled at them, as parents, their first instinct is to protect their kids.
I can’t guarantee that your sons won’t use emotional blackmail in the future, but I can offer two suggestions: Your husband should take a deep breath and count to 10 before he reacts, and he should defer the discipline to Grandma. And if that isn’t enough to satisfy your sons, then you will have to visit them instead of having them visit you.
Arthur Helps, a 19th-century English author, wrote, “Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thought.” If so, might that not be a criticism of the author?
Bridge players need to do card reading, which definitely requires thought. In today’s deal, how should South read the cards in three no-trump after West leads his fourth-highest heart six, East puts up the queen, and South wins with his king?
After South opened two no-trump, North was right to settle for three no-trump. With no singleton or void and insufficient points for a slam, go for the nine-trick game. Note that in five clubs, the defenders could make declarer guess the heart suit.
South starts with eight top tricks: three spades, one heart (the first trick), three diamonds and one club. Usually in no-trump, declarer plays on the suit where he has the greatest number of cards, which, in this case, would be clubs. However, if South runs the club queen at trick two, East will take the trick and return his heart nine (high from a remaining doubleton). The defenders will win one club and four hearts.
Trick one tells declarer that West has the heart ace, because East was playing third hand high. So, South needs to avoid letting East get on lead while establishing his ninth trick.
Declarer should play a diamond to dummy’s king, then return a diamond to his 10. Agreed, this is not the percentage play for five tricks in the suit, but he needs only four, and he must keep East from winning a trick. Here, South ends with an overtrick.