Is your career killing your family?
Jobs never get indicted for murder, but some of them should. I’m talking about the kind of job that slowly strangles your family life as it squeezes the breath from you, demanding more and more of your time. Unrelenting. Unforgiving. Unfriendly to family.
Is it possible your job is killing your family?
Consider this story I recently heard.
A brilliant woman sat across the table. Talented, sharp and compassionate, she had applied for a job and I noted in her resume she had stopped short of completing a demanding double degree professional program, finishing only one of the degrees. I did not judge or condemn her but simply commented that a double degree program like that must be extremely demanding. That’s when she opened up.
“When I was in that program, it was hurry, hurry, hurry all the time for my family. I literally told my kids one Christmas, ‘Hurry and open your presents because Mommy has to get back to work.’ But when my son attempted to commit suicide, I decided I had to do life dramatically differently. That’s when I quit the double degree program.”
Her words instilled an ache inside of me that lifted just a little as she added, “My son is fine, by the way, although he’s still in counseling. But we’re making it.”
When you read this story you may think, “Thank goodness I don’t have a job like that.” But some of you should pause to look in the mirror and ask, “Is it possible I do have a job like that?” Her story might be your story, differing only in degree.
We must be intentional about prioritizing our family. Dana Shell Smith wrote about how she and her husband cope with their dual demanding careers in an article, “How to have an Insanely Demanding Job and Two Happy Children:”
We are clear in our own minds that in this phase of our lives, so-called “work life balance” means work and family. Full stop. Social life is on the “nice to have” list, not the mandatory list. We haven’t seen a non-animated movie in a movie theater in a decade. We collapse from exhaustion most evenings and are each settled in with a book by 10 p.m. We watch almost no TV and shop for everything except for groceries online. Fun for us, at this point, is family dinner time, walking the dog, camping with our kids for a night on the weekend, or maybe getting together with another family.
You get the idea. Everything else is work. Friends and colleagues are surprised, and occasionally offended, when I categorically state that I do not agree to engagements on weekday evenings (with the exception of my monthly book club, which keeps me sane).
So the bottom line for me in “having it all” is: Own your decisions. Know what your own priorities are, stay true to them, and understand that every decision has consequences. If you have made a choice that is true to your priorities, the consequences will be far less painful.
Yes, you can have a demanding job and a good family life. But it doesn’t just happen. Be intentionally committed and true to your priorities.
And be mindful that demanding careers can be guilty of murder. Don’t let your job kill your family.