Don’t act as if nothing happened

My 93-year old mother was secured in her wheelchair so she wouldn’t fall out. People who passed by her called her honey, sweetie, little girl. She was a grown woman. Her name was Mary.

I recall a young Vietnamese boy who worked as part of our cleaning crew. He did not speak English. When trying to communicate with him, we began to realize we were talking very loudly, as if he would understand us if we raised the volume.

I remember a blind college student who told me other students would pass by him and not speak, assuming because he couldn’t see, he wouldn’t know they were there.

When we meet anyone different, we may find ourselves a bit uncomfortable. Not knowing what to say or how to help, or a way to fix it, we tend to say nothing, or we talk down to them as we would a young child.

Through my own experiences of being temporarily handicapped, I have learned first of all, to speak to people in a normal tone of voice and say hello. I usually do not ignore the wheelchair, the knee scooter or the crutches. It may be as simple as saying, “I’ve spent time on a knee scooter.” They’ll let you know if they want to talk more about why they are using it.

If they have a broken limb, acknowledge that. After my last surgery, I wore a purple cast for several weeks. I was pleased when people noticed. It left me free to talk about the variety of cast colors one is now offered, or if it was someone I knew, I could go further and speak more about why I was in it.

People will let you know if they want to talk about a handicap — or not, but whether permanent or temporary, do not act as if nothing has happened.