Walking ‘In Her Shoes’
Faith leaders learn perspective of domestic violence victim
The spiritual leader of an Oklahoma City synagogue for a brief time on Thursday stepped into the life of a domestic violence victim. Through a simulated series of real-life events, Rabbi Abby Jacobson was transformed into “Natasha,” a woman experiencing abuse at the hands of her husband of more than 30 years.
When “Natasha” decided to forgive her abuser and go home — only to be abused again — Jacobson had to consider the victim’s available options.
When the woman encountered red tape attempting to obtain a victim’s protection order, the rabbi experienced “Natasha’s” frustration as she walked “In Her Shoes.”
That was the title and premise of a one-day seminar for clergy and others interested in learning how to help victims of domestic violence. Held at Wildewood Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), led by the Rev. Dwayne Rodgers, the event was sponsored by the Interfaith Alliance of Oklahoma, the Anne and Henry Zarrow School of Social Work at the University of Oklahoma and Haruv USA.
Interfaith Alliance member Noel Jacobs served as the event’s coordinator. He said it made sense to offer the educational forum to spiritual leaders.
“Most Oklahomans belong to a religious community, so it’s a good thing to do,” Jacobs said, adding that faith leaders are often among the first people domestic violence victims turn to for help.
During the morning session, about 20 participants discussed issues surrounding domestic violence with Brandon Pasley, senior director of specialized training with the YWCA of Oklahoma City, and Jacqueline Steyn, program manager of the Domestic Violence Fatality Review Board at the Oklahoma Attorney General’s Office.
In the afternoon, attendees took turns going through the “In Her Shoes” simulation set up by leaders from the Zarrow School of Social Work and Haruv USA. Gloria Miller, social simulation coordinator at the University of Oklahoma-Tulsa, said the simulation is based on actual situations some women have experienced and is part of the “In Her Shoes” training kit that the school purchased from the Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence about five years ago. She said the simulation has been conducted for groups around the state such as teachers, early childhood workers, medical professionals and college students.
Thursday, as part of the simulation, each participant started with a different domestic violence situation that they read about on colored cards.
Each card gave them a set of identifiers about the victim, including her name, age, length of her abusive relationship, religion and other characteristics. Some participants, like St. Paul’s Episcopal Cathedral member Sherry Sullivan, were given a doll representing the victim’s child. As they made their way through the simulation, the participants read cards that described a different set of scenarios and choices to make as their characters struggled to find help and hope.
Each participant was followed by another assigned to “shadow” silently, as a way to represent a society that often doesn’t know what to say or how to help someone experiencing domestic violence.
Many of the participants became visibly frustrated as they wandered through the hallways of the church looking for stations set up to symbolize encounters with the police, a mental health professional, family members, clergy, a domestic violence shelter, the courts and a medical facility.
If they made their way to the “Forgive and Forget” station, they picked up a daisy and went back the the home base, where the abuse happened. One participant ended up at the station entitled “funeral home,” symbolizing that she’d been killed by her abuser.
Jacobson, who is president of the Interfaith Alliance, said the simulation was thorough and thought-provoking.
“The simulation is brilliant because it takes into account so much,” she said. “I’ve noticed myself going from little-kid eager to get started to nervous and anxious because of what this person is going through.
Another participant, Vickie L. Staten-Ford, a social services specialist and member of Fairview Baptist Church, said she felt the frustration of the victim she portrayed.
“This person has already gone through so much and then she finally decided to leave and she has to face all of these difficult challenges,” Staten-Ford said. “It’s pretty sad that they have to encounter all of these roadblocks when they need immediate help. All the standing in line, filling out paperwork — you feel hopeless and helpless.”
Jacobs said he was troubled by the scenario he was immersed in because he is a child psychologist. He said the character was a Jewish woman who decided to go to her rabbi who was supportive. But when the woman went to a psychologist, she was told that she was simply experiencing marital issues and he recommended counseling.
“I can tell you that as a psychologist, it really bothered me that a psychologist wouldn’t understand what the domestic violence victims need,” he said. “It’s heartbreaking. So many women get blamed for not getting out and staying out of an abusive relationship. Friends and well-meaning family don’t understand the complex issues and how difficult it is to get out and stay out.”
Jacobson said the Interfaith Alliance has focused on domestic violence training for clergy and faith leaders.
“One of the reasons we think this is so important is that domestic violence is an often overlooked violent crime that happens in society,” she said. “It’s deeply misunderstood and it has detrimental affects on the American family, the well-being of our children, marriages and our society, in general.”
She said a recent study found that church shootings and other violence at churches often stemmed from domestic violence.
“It’s training that our clergy and faith leaders can and should be involved in. So, we’re happy to partner with other organizations to bring that to our busy clergy leaders who need to get that information out to their parishioners.”