Joining police force changes view toward brother’s drinking

DEAR ABBY: My brother is my best friend. He is also an alcoholic. It runs in our family, and he has been addicted for years. His drinking has affected me in several (minor) ways over the years, but I have always taken a hands-off approach, knowing I can’t force him to get help.

Well, his drinking is starting to affect my life in a more severe way now. I joined the local police force. I am afraid that my brother’s behavior could cost me my job if I’m seen with him while he acts out, or if I try to defend him.

I love my brother fiercely, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I need to avoid him, but I love him. Please help.

— Challenged in the East DEAR CHALLENGED: Establish some ground rules by explaining to your brother that although you love him, you cannot be seen with him if he has been drinking, for fear it will jeopardize your job. It’s a valid concern. Make clear that if he breaks the law, you will be unable to intercede for him.

You are not responsible for his addiction or for what he does when he’s under the influence. I’m not saying this will be emotionally easy for you, but you must let your brother suffer the consequences for his behavior if he acts out.

DEAR ABBY: I have severe asthma and allergies, and I’m particularly sensitive to bug sprays. If I’m exposed to them, my lips and tongue tingle for hours.

Every time my husband of 30 years sees a bug or even a small ant in our house, he reaches for the bug spray and saturates the house with it. Given the length of our marriage, he is well aware of how it affects me. I have asked him many times to please not use spray in the house, particularly when I am home, to no avail.

He did it again yesterday and got angry with me when I asked why. He reads your column, so I know he will see your response to my inquiry. What is your advice?

— Fed Up in Florida DEAR FED UP: Stop asking your husband not to use bug spray while you are in the house. Be proactive and throw it out! You clearly have a severe allergy to something in it, and for him to persist in spraying while you are on the premises strikes me as not only selfish but also as a form of assault that’s potentially very serious. Call an exterminator to have it professionally done. There are other, less toxic ways to get rid of pests, and you should go online and explore them.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby. com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Here comes our friend A.N. Onymous again: “Seven days without gymnastics makes one weak.”

Sometimes bridge players need to use mental gymnastics. Can you see how South crosses the high beam successfully in this deal? In six spades, he wins the first trick with dummy’s diamond king, then runs the spade jack, but West discards a diamond.

North might have responded two diamonds, bidding his strongest suit when expecting to end in spades. His three-spade rebid promised opening count with three-card support. (In two-over-one, North would have rebid two spades.) Then South launched into Roman Key Card Blackwood, learning that his partner had either the spade king or the diamond ace.

Declarer could afford one major-suit loser, which did not seem problematic until the spades broke 4-0 -- but at least the king was onside. South continued with the spade 10, covered by the king and ace. Now, though, how could declarer get to the dummy to lead through East’s spade nine?

It is tough to lose a trick that could have been won. Here, the original declarer did well. At trick four, he led the heart 10 from his hand. West won with his queen and shifted to a club, but South took that trick, played a heart to the jack, returned a spade to his eight, cashed the spade queen and claimed.

Yes, a low heart toward the jack works here, but not when East has the queen.

Finally, note that if West had not won the fourth trick, declarer would have cashed his heart ace, ruffed a heart and lost only one spade trick.