Dreams keep memories of happier times alive
Editor's Note: This is Part Six of a six-part series.
The young man sees his big brother. In dreams he appears. They are together, alive and happy. When the light of morning draws his brother away, the young man awakens, alone again in the stillness of dawn. Daybreak whispers. None of it was real.
On June 23, 2002, Justin lost his brother. At the time, Justin was 4. Logan Tucker was 6. A jury convicted their mother, Katherine Rutan-Pollard, of first-degree murder.
Logan’s body was never found. Now living in another state, Justin remembers his early years in Oklahoma. Running around the Texas Avenue house in Woodward. Playing with Logan. Enduring tornado warnings together.
Life started out hard, and grew tougher through self-inflicted wounds and problems brought on by others, but Justin now stands on more stable ground. Visions of Logan provide comfort. But they close with unanswered questions.
“I’ve also reflected on what if that was me instead of him, and he was in this situation that I’m in now,” Justin said. “He was a few years older than me. Honestly, I don’t know. We were both young at the time that it happened. He would probably be the same way I am now, having to grow up knowing it. He may have handled it better. He may have handled it worse. Who’s to say?”
‘A callous, unremorseful individual’
Those surrounding the case are left wondering what would drive a mother to murder her son. What went through Katherine’s mind? Her spirit?
Shawn Roberson, a forensic psychologist in Edmond, performs examinations of adults and juveniles in criminal and civil forensic areas. He frequently testifies in complex and high-profile cases, or examines defendants.
Those cases have included Adacia Chambers, who was sentenced to life for murder after killing four people and injuring dozens of others when she drove her car into a crowd at the 2015 Oklahoma State University homecoming parade; also, Alton Alexander Nolen, who was sentenced to death for beheading a woman; and Stephen Paul Wolf, a Nichols Hills doctor acquitted on the insanity ground after fatally stabbing his 9-year-old son.
Roberson has not examined Katherine. However, he reviewed her case through court transcripts and news reports.
“Most mothers who kill their children, it’s gonna be through either abuse or neglect in some way, which is very markedly different than choosing to murder a child, which really requires kind of a callousness, requires a lack of remorse or guilt,” Roberson said.
The signs of impending trouble popped up well ahead of Logan’s death, Roberson said.
Among the most extreme, to him, was one of Katherine’s boyfriends recounting that Katherine said she wanted to kill her children and get away with it.
Then there was Katherine attempting to relinquish her rights to Logan and Justin.
Roberson has seen at least one person come forward after many years and admit they committed murder. It’s rare.
For those in prison who have been convicted of murder, but never confessed, there could be several reasons for keeping quiet. They may be holding out for a legal technicality to spring them from prison. Or, they may not want to deal with inmates who don’t like killers, particularly those who hurt children.
“The other possibility is that you’re just dealing with a callous, unremorseful individual who doesn’t really care about the harm that it causes other people,” Roberson said.
People have moved on
Sixteen years have passed since Logan vanished from his Woodward home. More than a decade has passed since Katherine was convicted of murder. The case has waned from public view.
“I haven’t heard anybody talk about it much over the last few years,” said Johnny McMahan, managing editor of the Woodward News. “I’m sure people think about it still, but a lot of people that were involved in the search have moved on.”
Monty Clem’s widow, Pam, thinks often about Logan, Katherine, the case and what it did to her husband, the lead investigator.
“Monty said she was one of the coldest human beings he’s ever come across,” she said. “I would say average of two or three times a year somebody will always post on Facebook a picture of Logan when he was 6 years old and remembering him and remembering what happened to him. So it’s on people’s minds, whether it’s at the forefront. I think people probably give it a thought every now and then”
Chris Ross, the prosecutor, is retired now.
“You cannot be a bad enough 6-year-old to deserve that,” Ross said. “A 6-year-old. What could he have done?”
Ross said if Logan were ever found, a burial might bring closure for everyone involved.
“My belief is that he’s at the same place regardless of whether he’s buried or not — my spiritual belief,” Ross said. “I think it would be good for the family. I think it’d be good for the community. I think it’d be decent. It might even be good for her.”
‘He’s still gone’
Flanked on either side by green pastures, a ribbon of blacktop snakes into Woodward. Traffic isn’t a problem here, except for the big rigs that move slowly through town on their way to loading docks tucked into America’s corners.
A tiny white house on Texas Avenue keeps unimaginable secrets. What happened in the basement one early summer morning?
The last time Justin saw his brother, Logan was lifeless in the car as Katherine drove down a dirt road to a wooded area outside of town. He recites details of the haunting scene.
“And I was asking her, ‘Why is Logan so still and not moving in the car?
“We arrived at the destination. That’s when she pulled him out, told me to stay in the car, took him over the fence and disappeared into the woods. But I still remember her telling me the words that there were snakes out there that would bite me and possibly kill me if I got out of the car.”
Hours passed as day turned to night, and Justin waited alone, in the car, wondering where his mother was. Wondering where his brother was.
“I even asked her when she returned, ‘Where is Logan?’ She goes, ‘He went to where the bad boys go, and if you ever do anything like he did, you’ll end up in the same place.’”
In his early 20s now, Justin has never written his mother. He won’t talk to her until she admits what she was convicted of.
“Give the location of Logan’s body,” he said. “That is honestly what it would take. Because, honestly, I don’t think her being in jail is enough justice without his body being found.”
In Justin’s dreams, Logan appears. Not as the ghost of the boy he played with and loved, but as a man. They talk.
“Sometimes, I will sit and have a conversation with him, just like he is a full-grown person like me,” Justin said. “I don’t know. It’s just — I always wake up from them in a cold sweat because honestly, I miss him. Some nights, when I have a lot on my mind, some relief, like just seeing him again, even in my dreams. But then I wake up and realize, oh well, he’s still gone.”