There's more to online dating than meets the eye

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QUESTION: My experience on the existing dating site has been horrible. The pictures don't match up to the people when I meet them and sometimes when I meet them, I want to walk away. One man had multiple piercings which were not shown in his photo. Is there a polite way to say, “I don't think this is going to work out” at the first introduction? Or do I just have to sit down and have lunch?

CALLIE'S ANSWER: OH, AWKWARD! Is there a way you could like see them before they see you? I am sure it is awkward when their photo looks nothing like the way they look like in person. Don't judge a book by its cover. Maybe you can have a good time?

LILLIE-BETH'S ANSWER: A drastically different appearance from their online photo is a red flag right away that the person may be hiding other issues. If people are that different from their photos, then they should be up front about that before you meet — “I've had piercings since I took the photos on my dating profile,” for starters. You can use your own judgment when you meet them — I don't think it's a problem telling them that they look completely different from their photos, just so they know how you're feeling. Then feel out the situation. If you have gotten to know them well enough during the texting/conversation phase of the connection and want to visit more, then stay even if you don't make plans with them again. If you can't get past the drastic change in their appearance, wondering what else they're hiding, then excuse yourself or cut it short. Trust your gut here. Neither of these solutions solves the fact that you keep finding men who aren't up front with you from the beginning about their appearance. I don't think you can fix that without actually meeting them.

HELEN'S ANSWER: If you don't recognize the person you are meeting from his photograph, don't stay. It may not be the man you have been talking to at all.

Also, some people use an outdated photo on their profile to look younger or older,

so just use caution when meeting for the first time. If you decide not to stay, be polite, but firm, when exiting.

GUEST'S ANSWER: Brandon Bixler, Commercial Lending Officer, NBC Oklahoma: Online dating has provided opportunities to meet people in a faster, easier and more efficient way. Technological advances have made swiping left or right more common than physically asking someone on a date.

There are also drawbacks to online dating, including having too many options, catfishing (pretending to be someone else) and receiving false information. For a female, safety should be of the highest priority when meeting their date for the first time. A woman should always notify a relative or friend when meeting, as well as have a back-up plan for leaving.

To answer the question, I believe it is acceptable to be honest with your date and even call them out on their appearance not resembling their profile. Agreeing to have lunch with people who do not honestly portray themselves online may lead to trouble. It also would be acceptable to leave immediately if you recognize your date, and they do not slightly resemble what you had seen online. If someone felt comfortable enough to stay and have lunch, it would still be a good idea to notify your contact (relative or friend) and let them know of your intentions for lunch but for them to be on call. One of my friends and I have a system which includes sending a text involving “chocolate chip pancakes,” which is code for "call me this is an emergency." Once the call is answered, we pretend there is a family member who needs us right away.