Mom regrets her marriage set a poor example for kids

DEAR ABBY: I married someone who turned out to be very abusive and controlling of me and the kids.

They are all adults now, and three of them have been in unhealthy relationships. I know their example of a good marriage or a long-term relationship was awful because of how their father treated me.

When two of my girls reach out to me when things are not going well, I'm supportive and I try to be helpful. I guess my question is, given my example of an unhealthy marriage, will any advice I give them fall on deaf ears? Should I just listen?

— Unhappy Mom in the South

DEAR UPHAPPY MOM: Of course you should listen, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't also weigh in on what is happening to them. It could be very helpful if you point out to them that what they witnessed while growing up was not normal — and explain what IS acceptable behavior in an adult relationship.

If their experiences mirror your own, point that out, too, and offer them the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233).

DEAR ABBY: My siblings and I have always enjoyed spending quality time together, and every eight to 10 weeks or so we get together for

“Siblings Day.” There's no set schedule or particular date; one of us will call the others and say, “I need some siblings time.” (There are five of us, all over 60.)

Our brother's lady friend, a very nice person, has arrived, uninvited, the last three times we have gotten together.Our brother has asked her to please allow us this time for family, but she just laughs and says it's silly for grown people to be so needy of each other.

Can you suggest what we can do to make her understand what this time together means to us and that she is the ultimate uninvited guest?

— Just the Sibs in Louisiana

DEAR SIBS: What gall! Your brother's girlfriend does not have the right to judge your family spending time with one another as “silly.” Please point out to him that her behavior is an important red flag for him to consider. Your brother should put his foot down and not let her intrude.

DEAR READERS: Today we remember the birthday of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who in 1968 was martyred in the cause of civil rights. In that time of insanity, his was a voice of reason when he eloquently preached, “Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.”