The Oklahoman

Diet makes dinner parties awkward

- Jeanne Phillips Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. UNIVERSAL UCLICK

DEAR ABBY: I have multiple chronic health conditions. Because my symptoms are worsened by a lot of foods, I'm on a highly restricted diet. If I stay on it, I feel as well as possible. (I never feel entirely well.) When I go to friends' homes for dinner or parties, would it be rude for me to bring along something for myself that I can eat that won't make me sick? I can have no grains, no dairy, no eggs, no sugar, the list goes on and on, but I could always bring extra food to share if you think that would be appropriat­e. I have been eating before I go and then claiming not to be hungry, but I feel it would be rude to do this at dinner parties. What do you suggest I do? I prefer that my health not be a topic of conversati­on.

— Can't Eat Jack

DEAR CAN'T: Your health won't be a topic of conversati­on at these gatherings if you discuss this with your host(s) at the time you are invited to the party. Explain that you are on a severely restricted diet, picking at their food might be interprete­d as rude and you don't wish to come across that way. Ask if you can bring your own food with you. I'm sure your hosts will understand and tell you to enjoy their hospitalit­y (if not their food) because they welcome your company.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I received a worrisome email from our 20-something-year-old son, a graduate student some distance away. He wrote that he is recovering from wounds of his childhood. (We thought we were loving, supportive parents.) He indicated he will come home for visits only if we comply with his demands — about 10 were listed — and accused us of some things we never did.

On the advice of my counselor — I have a history of depression, which is in remission — I wrote agreeing to his demands in order to keep the lines of communicat­ion open. My husband refuses to do this. He is overwhelmi­ngly hurt, angry and frustrated. He says he “will not walk on eggshells in his own home.” Our son is our only child. What can or should we do?

— Heartbroke­n in Ohio

DEAR HEARTBROKE­N:

Nobody should have to walk on eggshells. If ever I heard of a family that could benefit from family counseling, you three are it. Your doctor or insurance company can refer you to someone who is licensed and competent. Please don't wait.

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