Secrets we're discovering while sheltering in place

All this time at home has a side effect: a chance to learn more about ourselves and the people quarantining with us.

The corona virus shutdown has upended most of our daily routines. Most of the things that were keeping us occupied suddenly ceased to exist. Commutes were canceled. So were our social lives. Suddenly, those of us who aren't essential workers are spending almost all of our time at home. This has created opportunities for self-discovery: being able to look inward and learn new things about yourself.

For some, the stay-at-home orders became an opportunity to get to know both themselves and their partners in a new way. For others, it was a chance to be truly together for the first time.

Faith Colburn and Lauren Pulido were going to take it slow. The longtime friends had just admitted in late February that they had feelings for each other. Pulido had broken up with his girlfriend and moved home to a duplex he shares with his mom and grandmother in Sacramento two weeks earlier. They wanted to feel out this new phase, go on dates, be together in a romantic way for the first time.

“We're like, let's not jump into this. I don't feel a need to rush,” Colburn said.

The same afternoon they had that conversation about taking its low, the stay-athome orders were issued. It was a Friday. Starting Monday, t hey wouldn't be able to see each other.

They made a snap decision: Never mind taking its low. Let's quarantine together.

Colburn packed her things and moved into the duplex with Pulido's family, which also includes two dogs and a cat.

That was six weeks ago. Now, they' re navigating

changes at work — both work for the state government — on top of the major change in their personal lives. It's been an unprecedented chance to get to know each other in new ways.

“Something I already knew but was confirmed is how fundamentally kind he is,” Colburn said. “I've seen his heart.”

Pulido, who knew Colburn for her“strong, independent” streak, is learning about a different side, a softer one, especially as he has started taking testosterone in February as part of the hormonal transitioning process. “Faith has been such a great support erin allowing me space to find myself during this whole experience.”

Obviously not everyone will fall deeply, madly in love with their best friend during quarantine. But it's not only new couples who are learning things about each other.

Steve Adams and his wife, Rebekah, celebrated t heir 37th wedding anniversary this week.

He works as a triage nurse at the Keck Hospital of USC, which means he's still going in to work. His wife is a consultant for the funeral industry and is able to do her job from their home. Normally, they spend weekends going to bars and restaurants and sporting events with friends; quarantine has forced them to slow down on their social lives and spend more time on domestic pursuits. He said even after almost four decades together, they can still surprise each other — and themselves.

“I always knew she had it in her, but she's discovered she can cook and actually cook pretty well,” he said. Prior to this, he usually volunteered to cook while she did dish duty. He said he's learned things about himself too, like that he enjoys doing art projects in the backyard.

The key to quarantine success, he said: Treat your spouse like your teammate.

“If you' ve ever played sports, don't be a jerk to your teammates. I think that applies to marriage, too,” he said. He's had excellent, if inadvertent, teachers on that front: “My dad was married four times and my mom was married three times, so I learned a lot about what not to do in a marriage from my mom and dad.”

Ryan How es, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, said he' s seen his clients make breakthroughs during this shutdown time: Self-described introverts realize how much they rely on socializing, while social butterflies enjoy their newfound quiet time. Finding ways to fill the extra time has also led to some joyful discoveries: Maybe you've found you love baking, gardening or watching obscure YouTube videos with your kid.

If you haven't felt an inner “a-ha” moment yet, Howes said there are ways to help the process along. Guided meditation is a good way to look inward, as is keeping a journal.

“It can be a few words or a `Dear Diary' thing, but that is an excellent way for people to really clarify their thoughts and put them down in a way that they can understand and even look back on later, which I think is why people are really talking about journaling” right now, Howes said. “People really want a record of this.”