Man's indecision puts his marriage on shaky ground
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 29 years, 25 of them married. We have had good times and bad, like most couples, but over the last four years, things have changed. We came to a place where we both needed to decide whether we wanted to continue in our marriage. We went to counseling, and I pursued my own personal growth, trying new things I was interested in and finding gratitude and happiness in my interests and career. My husband did the same thing.
Now I have moved past it, forgiven, told my husband I love him and hope he feels the same. You know what he said? He said he doesn't know. He said he needs more time.
What do I do? I take good care of myself and have a healthy sex drive. He also had an emotional affair with a woman he knows, but he thinks I made too much of it. Help, please.
— Uncoupling in Canada
DEAR UNCOUPLING: Going off and being independent may have been the wrong path to take. Your husband appears to have disconnected from you, both physically and emotionally.
If you continue waiting for your husband to make up his mind, you could be sitting in limbo for years.
DEAR ABBY: For the past year my sister has been involved with a guy she went to high school with. He moved in with her and her 4-year-old son.
Before he moved in, my sister, my mom and I had a pretty decent relationship. Since this boyfriend has come into the picture, our relationship has become strained. He doesn't work, doesn't like her son, and she pays for everything (rent, food, car payments, etc.).
Recently, my nephew's father reached out to me because she hasn't let him see their son. When I asked my sister why, she had no reasonable explanation. She won't even let the family see my nephew now. What should I do?
— Mad in Maryland
DEAR MAD: Your sister's boyfriend has succeeded in isolating her, and it is a very dangerous red flag. This is what abusers do, and you should worry not only about her, but also her son, whom the boyfriend doesn't like.
As to the father of the boy, if he has been contributing financially for his son, he may, with the help of a lawyer, be able to exert enough influence to get his visitation back. Please suggest it.
For now, all you can do is tell your sister you are concerned for her wellbeing because she is carrying the whole load. She needs to hear it. And if necessary, contact child protective services.