JACIE'S `WITH US'
Two months after his wife died giving birth, Cashion coach pushes forward with help of football, family
The Cashion football family is helping assistant coach Cale Cochran's healing process after losing his wife two months ago
CASHION — Looking over the empty football stadium, Cale Cochran picked up his 2-month-old son and kissed him on the forehead.
With Jaxon in his arm, he sat on a metal bench atop a new concrete slab featuring his baby's small footprints. A newly planted magnolia tree — his wife's favorite — will one day provide shade.
Cale had never considered the view from the hill behind the east end zone at Cashion High School. Now he does every day.
It was Jacie's spot. “This was Momma's favorite spot, Baby Jax,” Cale said.
Ellie Goulding's lyrics — the ones played when Jacie walked down the aisle to marry Cale two years ago — floated through the air.
How long will I love you. As long as stars are above you.
Cale and Jaxon went silent.
It was three hours until game time at Cashion, and the Wildcats' 27-year-old assistant coach was looking for a glimmer of hope.
“Time goes on, and hopefully time heals,” Cale said. “But I'll never be healed.”
It's been two months since the best and worst moments of Cale's life merged. His son was born, but at nearly the exact same time, he lost his wife.
In an instant, a beautiful life turned messy.
Jacie Stephens Cochran died during childbirth on July 2, the result of amniotic fluid embolism, a rare, life- threatening birth complication capable of affecting both mother and baby. AFE is the result of an allergic reaction to amniotic fluid entering the mother's circulatory system. Research suggests it happens every 2.5 out of 100,000 births.
A husband was left without the love of his life. A son was left without ever knowing his mom.
But the worst part was a mother who never got to
hold her son.
“I'm mad for her,” Cale said. “I'm mad that she doesn't get to live out the life that she wanted to live. I'm more mad and more upset and disappointed for her.”
Cale and Jaxon still push forward with an abundance of help.
Family is more important than ever. Community is vital. Football is an escape to what was normal.
“We'll be there until we don't need to be there anymore, whether that's a year or 20 years,” Cashion head coach Lynn Shackelford said. “Whatever that is, we're going to be what Cale needs.”
`Within seconds'
Cale remembers every detail from the morning of July 2.
They are impossible to forget. He's played the moments inside Norman Regional Hospital over and over in his head countless times since.
“It was like a movie,” Cale said.
Jacie was in pain, but Cale had no way to know if it was normal labor pains. Something just didn't seem right. Not long after her water broke, Jacie started to feel like she was going to pass out. She got nauseated. Her lips started to turn blue. Her eyes changed colors.
Cale used a cool washcloth and a fan on Jacie. “Thank you,” Jacie said. “Love you, babe,” Cale replied. “Everything's going to be OK.”
Once an epidural arrived, Cale and Jacie's mom, Lea Ann Stephens, left the room in tears, not knowing that was the final time they would see Jacie alive.
“We just thought she was in pain,” Cale said. “It was someone that we loved that was in pain.”
In a waiting room nearly 30 feet away, Cale and Lea Ann could hear everything. Nurses and doctors were hurrying in and out.
A code blue — indicating cardiac arrest — started. Jacie made one final horrible gasp for air.
Then a flatline.
“I just wanted to die,” Lea Ann said.
About 10 minutes later, a wondrous thing happened. Despite the poor odds, a baby cried from the room. Jaxon was healthy. Cale still wanted to know about Jacie. He only got vague answers for nearly 90 minutes as doctors and nurses scrambled.
There was a call for a blood transfusion. There was lots of cursing. In a last-ditch effort, a call for a bypass was made.
Jacie never responded to treatments.
She was only 26. “More or less, she was gone within seconds,” Cale said. “They tried everything, and it was done within seconds.
“It's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.”
A hometown girl
Jacie always wanted to be home.
She loved Washington. More than anything, she cherished days spent at her parents' home 15 miles from south of Norman. It's why Cale and Jacie arrived there on June 28.
Jacie spent the final days before her labor induction relaxing at the pool. She enjoyed her mom's chicken salad — a favorite — and soaked up every moment with her family.
“Every time we spent together was special,” Lea Ann said. “Just making memories.”
Washington was where Jacie grew into a strong woman who did everything big. She made everyone in a room feel important. She enjoyed the outdoors. She also really liked to get dressed up.
And she loved softball. Jacie started playing when she was 5. The lone athlete in the family, she fell hard for the sport. She asked her parents to let her play nearly year-round.
By high school, she became a force on and off the field.
“It was all- out, and it was 100%,” said current Washington coach Jace Brewer, who helped Jacie with hitting on the side in high school. “She really was the first softball kid that I worked with that intrigued me about the sport of fastpitch.”
Jacie was a homecoming queen. She was a slowpitch softball state champion. She was an All- State catcher. And she earned a scholarship to play at Division II Emporia State in Kansas.
It was there that her life changed.
Jacie started and played in 217 games, becoming a second-team All-MIAA selection as a senior, batting .333. She was the team's unquestioned leader.
She also met Cale.
A student assistant on the football team in 2015, Cale first crossed paths with Jacie at a community service event that spring. He messaged Jacie on Twitter that summer. They started dating and were nearly inseparable.
Nearly two years later, Emporia State was on a road trip at the University of Central Oklahoma. Surrounded by Jacie's teammates as he walked off the softball team bus, Cale proposed in the parking lot of the Hampton Inn & Suites near Frontier City.
On July 3, 2018, Cale and Jacie married.
Fourteen months later, Cale came home to a gift — the book “Daddy Loves You.” Jacie was pregnant. “The amount of pride and joy that came out in her eyes when she saw me open that book ... can't beat it,” Cale said. “I never felt that way in my life.
“Not only was I getting to have a kid, but I was getting to have a kid with, to me, the most incredible person I ever met.”
`Cale needs people'
Cale sometimes can't stop the guilt when he holds Jaxon.
The baby has his mom's eyes. They are unmistakable. That hurts Cale.
Jacie should be there to hold her son.
“She wanted that more than anything,” Cale said. “She wanted to be a mom. She was for nine months, and she will be forever.”
Cale has faced tragedies before.
His family's house was wiped out by a tornado in 2011. The next year, the house they were living in burned down, and Cale's grandmother died in a car crash.
But nothing compares to suddenly losing Jacie.
“I've been mad at God for a long time since it happened,” Cale said. “It's hard for me to pray. I don't want to go to church. I'm just mad.
“I know that she's in heaven. I know that God took her for a reason. I know it. I'm just not ready to know why.”
The struggle of the best and worst moments in a lifetime happening simultaneously has wreaked havoc on Cale. He meets with a grief counselor nearly every week. He rarely stays alone, even on nights Jaxon stays with Jacie's parents. He has taken time off from teaching but remains on the football sideline.
He's not ready to return to what was normal.
“He's broken,” said Cale's mom, Kerry. “I just hope someday he'll be fixed … or at least a little bit put back together.
“It's not supposed to be this way. It's not right. All of it feels so wrong.”
Cale remains a naturally positive person. He's attempted to respond to every phone call and text message.
He's hugged complete strangers. He's often the one trying to console others.
But he's the one who needs comfort.
“Cale needs people,” said Shackelford, the Cashion coach.
A GoFundMe page was created in early July that has so far raised nearly $75,000 for Cale and Jaxon.
A golf tournament was held. San Francisco Giants All-Star catcher Buster Posey pitched in. His sister, Samantha, married Cale's older brother, Cayden. Posey donated an autographed catcher's mitt and pink Mother's Day bat to the golf tournament raffle.
Cale plans to use money from the tournament to fund a scholarship at both Cashion and Washington in Jacie's honor.
Washington's softball team celebrated Jacie on Thursday. “Live Jacie Big” was on banners and painted on the dugout. A crape myrtle was planted. Commemorative shirts featuring, “A warrior never wins every battle. They never stop fighting,” on the back were sold. Proceeds went to the AFE Foundation and Jaxon.
Two communities separated by 62 miles and the entire Oklahoma City metro area are now forever connected.
“It makes me love that town down south even more,” Cale said. “I loved it because she loved it. I know she loved this town because I love it, but man, that place is incredible. It's just as incredible as this place.
“If I was to raise my boy anywhere — if I couldn't do it here — I'd do it there.”
Talks with Jacie
Two weeks ago, Cale looked to Cashion's west end zone hill.
At the end of each home game, Jacie made her way there to meet Cale. They would hug. They would celebrate wins and curse losses.
Cale instead turned east and headed toward the new bench in her spot.
His parents were still there. Cale sat on the bench. He talked with them. He talked with other Cashion fans.
And emotions started to take over.
“From here on out no matter win, lose or draw, she's just
not there anymore,” Cale said.
Then his parents left. Holding a framed picture of Jacie and her sister's dog sitting in that very spot, Cale cried. He started to talk to Jacie for the first time from the bench.
“I could somewhat feel her kicking me and telling me, `It's fine, just get up and move on with the evening. You guys won a big game,'” Cale said.
Every win and every moment matters. They will especially be important with Jaxon.
Cale finds holding him easier now. They've created a strong bond.
“It's hard to let him go now,” Cale said. “I love holding onto him.”
Before Friday's game against Thomas, Cale and Jaxon will sit on the bench again. They will listen to songs that remind Cale of Jacie.
Cale plans to do that every game as Jaxon grows. Jaxon might be on Cashion's football team. He might choose a different path.
What he is doing won't change their pregame ritual.
“I plan to do this for a long time,” Cale said. “I want to do it forever with Jax.”
As time passes, Cale will tell Jaxon more about his mom. There will be sadness. But they will find strength in the moment together.
And Cale will continue his talks with Jacie.
They've become frequent. After a practice or film session, he takes a seat and pops in some headphones to listen to his “Jacie Ann” playlist. Cale then talks to Jacie. He runs through his day.
He updates her on Jaxon. He talks about football. He remembers the special moments.
Cale's emotions often cut his conversation short. He stands up and wipes away tears.
His next move is a step forward.
“It's going to be a rough go,” Cale said. “But she was the toughest person I've ever been around in my life. She taught me to be a tougher person and to be able to handle situations.
“I know she got me prepared for all of this. I know she's with us the whole way through.”