Husband refuses to help care for newborn

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter is married to a very selfish man. They have a newborn baby, and he refuses to help her with the baby. He claims that because he works, he isn't obligated. She cares for the baby 24/7 and does all the housework, cooking, etc. If she asks him to feed the baby in the morning, he says, “I'M hungry, so I have to have my breakfast first,” and he lets the baby cry. He also refuses to change a diaper. What can she say or do that might encourage him to change his ways? It is unfair to her to work 24/7 like this, and she is EXHAUSTED.

— Stepgrandma in Israel DEAR STEPGRANDMA: I agree the treatment your daughter is receiving is unfair. That her husband would eat while his infant is crying for food is beyond insensitive; it's neglectful and cruel. She should not expect this man to change his attitude. This is who he is, and he not only won't change, his self-centeredness will become worse with time. If you can take in your grandchild — and your stepdaughter — and give her a chance to get some rest, consider it.

DEAR ABBY: I have the most wonderful, caring, loving husband any wife could dream of, and together we have a very sweet dog who adores us both but my husband a bit too much, if I may put it that way. When my husband is relaxing on the couch, “Peanut” likes to, umm, “love on” his leg.

I know this is something dogs do, and I have read that it's a way to establish the alpha, but my husband doesn't dissuade her from this “loving” behavior. I find it disturbing, not so much because Peanut does it, but because my husband doesn't mind or even likes it. Is this normal?

— Other Alpha in Massachusetts DEAR OTHER ALPHA:

According to the ASPCA website, what Peanut is doing is normal behavior for animals of both sexes, including those that have been spayed or neutered.

DEAR ABBY: I know a man who is a wonderful person, but he has a habit that is very disturbing. He gets angry when I laugh. He says I shouldn't be laughing because he thinks what I'm laughing at isn't funny. I used to start a phrase with, “The funny thing is,” meaning strange or odd, and he would cut me off saying, “I don't see why you think that's funny.” I have since changed the phrase to “The odd thing is” to keep the peace. How can I handle this without creating a scene or argument? It is annoying when we are alone and embarrassing when we are in public.

— Unfunny in Texas DEAR UNFUNNY: “Wonderful” people do not correct others in public. They wait and do it privately. This person may have redeeming qualities, but tact and a sense of humor are not two of them.My advice is to reevaluate the relationship.

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