Accepting a compliment can be complicated
QUESTION: My good friend has a hard time accepting compliments. If I say, "that's a pretty blouse,” she answers with “this old thing, I found it at the vintage store,” or “you have a great new hairdo,” and she answers “well, it isn't how I want it yet.” Shouldn't she say “thank you” and not go into an explanation? How can I tell her to just accept what someone says and go with it?
CALLIE'S ANSWER: This sounds like your friend lacks the confidence or self-esteem to accept your compliments. Keep complimenting her. She sounds like she needs more of it in her life.
LILLIE-BETH'S ANSWER: You are right in that the best way to accept a compliment is to say “thank you.” You might not ever know the reasons she has a hard time accepting them, but you don't have to understand them. I think many people wrestle with compliments at times when they feel insecure and don't feel worthy of them. If you're sincere, keep it up and don't worry about your friend's response. However, since she's a close friend, if you do feel like you need to speak up, ask her why she does that and wait for her answer. It might give both of you some insight.
HELEN'S ANSWER: Yes, she should graciously say thank you and enjoy the compliment. It would be hard to tell her how she should act, but you can continue to say what you sincerely like about her, and maybe, she will one day understand the message. You can reemphasize your remarks with “I really mean it,” if she continues with her disparaging comments.
GUEST'S ANSWER: Christina Nihira, community volunteer: For many, accepting a compliment is difficult. The reason may be deep and complicated. In your friend's mind, the words translate into something that registers as plain wrong. Or the `praise' is really a lie. To escape the attention, deflection becomes a coping tactic.
She may also suffer from low self-confidence and a pessimistic mindset. It may be impossible for her to see her own worth. She might continually compare herself to others yet, falls short in her own estimation.
Your job is to help her realize that constantly having negative thoughts is wasteful and unproductive. Advise her to concentrate on the positive. Emphasize that most compliments are genuine and heartfelt. Explain a simple thank you reply is all that is really needed.
As the famous musician Bob Marley sings, “Everything's Gonna Be Alright” and to appreciate life's blessings.