Should good manners still be on the table during a pandemic?
QUESTION: We have tried to maintain good dinner table manners during the pandemic. We ask that our children come to the dinner table for meals, restrict their conversations to positive comments and to avoid distractions such as television or phones during the meal. Is this too much to ask of them during all this together time we have been having? Should we continue to try to teach manners, or just let it go for now?
CALLIE'S ANSWER: Dinner is one meal of the day. Be consistent, they can do it and so can you! Maybe try family game night and move dinner to the floor or something fun once or twice a week.
LILLIE-BETH'S ANSWER: Just keep going and give yourself some grace. At my house, we have gotten lax about eating together during the pandemic, but when we do, we have a great time. It's important to keep teaching manners and to keep your children and each other relating to each other — practicing good conversations, eye contact, etiquette, etc. — whether times are normal or not. It is also important to stay connected, even if your world is small right now. Family dinners are a great way to do this, and they'll be ready when we start going out more often in public again. It's also OK if you slack off occasionally and let them, say, eat dinner in front of the TV. Just keep trying.
HELEN'S ANSWER: What a great use of your family time! Manners are still so important. And it is necessary for you to teach your children how to act at the dinner table. So many corporations have had to call in the etiquette experts to teach their employees how to handle situations that call for good manners in the workplace and at the dinner table. The employees could have learned the basic set of manners at home from their parents.
Your children need to know how to cut meat, which fork is used for what, how to handle napkins, and good conversation at the table. Get out the etiquette books to learn where the knives, forks and spoons, glasses and napkins should be placed. Learn together how to cook meals that other people might enjoy. Also, if you ask that the children use these manners at all times, they will become second nature to them.
Particularly, let your
children know that their phones can be overlooked during all meals.
GUEST'S ANSWER: Hilarie H. Blaney, certified etiquette and protocol consultant: The pandemic has presented many negative things, but also some positive too. I applaud you for doing what you already have!
This is a perfect time, with all of the “family time” to teach these skills. No matter the age of your children, there are some fun ways to teach them table manners. Create a nice dinner theme, dress up, and let them set the table with a formal setting one evening and try a special breakfast with an informal setting. Teaching them about proper handling of silverware would be a great idea as well as how to use a napkin and posture at the table.
I would order the Tiffany Table Manners For Teens book — I really like the way it communicates the rules. We may never have the chance to invest this kind of time in our families that will prepare them for the return to our normal when we can eat inside, shake hands and attend parties. Since 2009 Callie, LillieBeth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth, 40-plus and Helen, 60-plus.