Is money as wedding gift: ‘I do’ or ‘don’t’?
20-40-60 Etiquette
QUESTION: Is it proper to give money as a wedding gift? If so, how much should I give? If I give a check, who do I make it out to? The bride? The bride and groom?
Also, do I include the money with a card? CALLIE’S ANSWER: I think money is always a great gift. Give the amount that you’re comfortable with. Adding a card is always a nice touch, as well.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: As strange and as impersonal as giving money feels, I think it is a nice thing to do for a wedding gift. That way you know it will be put to good use, even if it goes to pay for a one-time, memory-making experience on the couple’s honeymoon. I would definitely make it out to a single person — the one you know the best — to make it easy for one person to endorse and cash it. Also, yes, put the money in a card wishing them well. Gifts from their wedding registry or even one you think that will be meaningful to them are also appropriate wedding gifts. Spend according to your budget and not expectations; in online discussions, I have seen super-high numbers listed as “normal” amounts to spend on wedding gifts, but I don’t that’s right. Whatever type of gift you decide to do in any amount, know that you are acknowledging the special day and celebrating the couple. Really, that’s all that matters.
HELEN’S ANSWER: A check made out to the couple or the person you know the best would be most welcome. Cash, with a beautiful wedding card, is a lovely gift to give for a wedding, and most young couples would really appreciate having the money. Actually, the couple are thankful for wedding gifts and/or cash.
As to the amount, give what your budget allows or the amount of money you might spend on a special gift.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Hilarie H. Blaney, senior vice president, BancFirst and etiquette expert: I think younger couples would enjoy having cash to support a honeymoon trip or for purchases not on the wedding registry. The amount you give depends on your relationship, whether you attend the event and the amount of your budget.
As a banker, I would say make the check to the one you know the best; if you have a check made out jointly and they have not set up a joint account yet (they would need a marriage license), it could possibly cause some delays. Some people do use cash and place it in the card, however I have seen gift tables at weddings with obvious cash/gift card/checks inside cards that could fall behind or under a table and be missed. To be safe, I would choose to use a check, because if lost, it could be replaced, and cash could not.
Since 2009 Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; LillieBeth, 40-plus and Helen, 60-plus.