Learning how to forgive by becoming the hero of your story
Growing up in the church I often heard the importance of forgiving, but nobody ever said how to do that.
Then I read an article by Dr. Dick Tibbetts at Florida Hospital in Orlando who was teaching patients how to forgive in order to lower their blood pressure. I was immediately interested — not so much on lowering blood pressure, but “how to” forgive.
Tibbetts believes you must change your grievance story. A grievance story, when told, portrays you as the victim — what he/she did to me.
How do you know if you have a grievance story? Answer the following questions.
Have you told your story more than twice to the same person? Do you replay the events that happened more than twice a day in your mind? Do you find yourself speaking to the person who hurt you even when that person is not there? Is the person who hurt you the central character of your story? When you tell this story does it remind you of other painful things that have happened to you? Does your story focus primarily on your pain and what you have lost?
If you answer YES to most of those questions, this story has imprisoned you because it reminds you over and
over that you are a helpless victim.
To change your grievance story means you change the focus of the story from what the other person did or did not do — to yourself. You make yourself the hero instead of the victim.
If you hang on to the hurt you will carry it with you into your future, but if you will do the work of reframing the story, you will be set free. Free to solve today’s problems. Free to enjoy today’s gifts.