Couple struggles with elderly cat’s declining health

Dear Abby: My wife and I have been together 39 years, and we generally get along very well. We’ve always had dogs and cats, and we currently have two of each. While my wife loves all animals, I’m a dog person. I don’t dislike cats, but I don’t really care for them. The cats and I tend to ignore each other.

We have one who’s 20 years old. While he doesn’t appear to be in any pain, I suspect he has dementia. He has poor balance. He stumbles into walls and cabinets and has fallen down the stairs a number of times. Recently, he has been peeing in my den and garage. That, I can’t ignore.

I think it’s time to put the cat down. My wife is calling me cold and heartless. I think when I’ve lost my mind enough to pee in my den or garage, I hope someone will be compassionate enough to help me go. I’m starting to hate that cat.

– Favors Dogs in El Paso

Dear Favors Dogs: That poor animal should be examined by a veterinarian to determine why he is stumbling and falling, and whether the problem can be remedied. (The elderly dog of a friend of mine kept running into things and ultimately had successful cataract surgery.) As to the cat’s inappropriate choice of a place to relieve himself, the problem may be as simple as a curable bladder infection – unless he has picked up on the fact that you would like to see him dead and is doing it to get back at you.

Dear Abby: I am 48 and married to a widower in his early 60s. Not long ago we moved into a 55-plus community. The problem is, every time we meet someone, they ask my husband why he robbed the cradle. I’m sick of hearing it. My husband is a warm, caring, loving man, who just laughs and says, “Yep!” How can I rebut those comments when they come, because my husband doesn’t seem to be able? He wants everyone to like him, so he never makes waves.

– Not from the Cradle

Dear Not from the Cradle: The comments aren’t meant as an attack on your marriage. The next time someone says it, pipe up and say, “We were BOTH old enough to know what we wanted!”

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.