Listening is key when talking to children about the Russian/ Ukrainian conflict

Parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, and anyone associated with children need to be prepared to talk with them about the Russian-Ukraine conflict. Do not assume they aren’t thinking about it. They are hearing it on television, they are overhearing conversations with adults and they are being updated daily on social media.

How an adult responds will depend on a child’s age, the questions they are asking and the adult’s political and moral beliefs, but if you want some general guidelines, just google "How to talk to children about the Russia/Ukraine conflict." You will find all kinds of help.

Children younger than 7 need special considerations. Keep them away from television news, which may be interrupted by frightening news bulletins, or show horrific images that may cause nightmares and may awaken other fears and anxieties. Young children may not talk directly about war, but their fears usually come out in play. Pay attention.

When any child, of any age, asks about the war, the first thing to do is to listen. Ask what they know about it. Ask how they found out.

Let them know you understand it is confusing and complicated and you are glad the two of you are talking about it. If they are older, share your opinions and feelings about the war, whatever they are. Invite them to express their own opinions, and listen without judgement. Do not argue, just listen to understand. Two good follow up requests are “Please help me understand why you think ...” or “Tell me more about that.”

Ask if they are worried and/or frightened. Even if they say “no,” you are giving them permission to have those feelings and to talk about them if they choose.

If children want to help the people of Ukraine, encourage their compassion by investigating together how others are doing this, or by making a contribution to organizations such as the International Red Cross.

Charlotte Lankard is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Contact her at clankard@cox.net.

STEVE HEASLIP/CAPE COD TIMES Lilly Morse, left, helps Lydia Garrison craft a sunflower out of paper in the craft area during an event hosted by the St. Barnabas Episcopal Church in Massachusetts to help parents and children discuss the war in Ukraine.