The Oklahoman

Don’t ignore sadness; let it spur you to get help

- Charlotte Lankard Guest columnist Charlotte Lankard is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice. Contact her at clankard@cox.net.

Ukraine. Entire cities destroyed. People fleeing with only the clothes on their backs. Young children clinging to parents. Cold. Hungry. Frightened. Homeless. Helpless.

Uvalde. We see the faces and hear the voices of parents whose children died. We see the faces and hear the voices of children in the classrooms that lived, but huddled in fear, listening to their friends being killed. An entire town devastated, heartbroke­n and angry.

The sadness is pervasive and is moving across our nation and settling on us in Oklahoma.

The sadness we are being bombarded with in the daily news can also remind us of other times when we’ve had a loss or a devastatin­g change we didn’t expect. That old sadness can rise up in us and mingle with Uvalde and Ukraine and cling like a heavy blanket over our bodies and weigh us down.

There may be feelings of despair and helplessne­ss. It is common to want to fast forward as quickly as we can through sad times, but denying sad feelings and trying to avoid them by pretending they are not there, or by numbing them with drugs or alcohol will only do damage over time, because prolonged sadness can become depression.

Sadness is an important emotion because it spurs us to get help. People deal with sadness in different ways. A support group. Time with one’s pet. Journaling. Drawing those feelings on canvas. A good cry. Exercise that leaves you exhausted.

This may be a good time to find someone to talk with about your feelings — a counselor, a spiritual leader, a trusted friend. A safe place where you can be heard, where you can speak, weep, rant, vent — letting what is inside come out.

Sadness is a normal emotion after loss. Do not ignore it.

 ?? GETTY IMAGES ?? Sadness is an important emotion because it spurs us to get help. People deal with sadness in different ways.
GETTY IMAGES Sadness is an important emotion because it spurs us to get help. People deal with sadness in different ways.
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