Honest gift giving
What to do when a friend might be regifting ill-fitting clothing
QUESTION:
I have a very generous friend who always gives me clothing for holidays and birthdays. My suspicion is these items are things she’s purchased for herself but don’t fit her. Rather than return them to the store, she regifts them to me not realizing that the pieces are not my size. I feel funny when she asks if I liked a certain shirt or sweater. What is the best way to handle the situation without hurting her feelings?
CALLIE’S ANSWER:
Can you return these items? If so, I would return them and get the correct size or get the store credit. No need to mention it because what if she’s really buying these pieces for you? Awkward.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER:
I think you can just say “thank you” and let it go. But how you handle it also depends on your friendship. Your friend apparently thinks you’ll like these clothes, or else she wants to clean out her closet, which is your suspicion. Either way, even if your friend’s giftgiving choices aren’t what you want or need, you still can’t dictate the terms of her gifts to you. Gifts are a way to express a person’s friendship and care for you. Some people are better at gift-giving than others, but the more we recognize that they’re a symbol of friendship and not something we’re entitled to, the more we can appreciate the gesture.
Understanding that, you can choose how to respond and perhaps redirect her. It does sound like this has become a problem — not only does she regularly give you clothes that don’t fit you, she wants to know exactly what you did with them. You can always say thank you and then donate the clothes so someone else can wear them.
If you feel like you need to speak up because none of the clothes she gives you ever fit, do so gently and honestly: “What you gave me was beautiful, and I appreciate the thought behind it. Unfortunately, it didn’t fit. I’m not sure what to do with it. Do you know someone else who could use it or can I take it to the store for a different size?” I don’t know why you would ever give someone clothes without first asking sizes or style or including a gift receipt. But you’re asking as a receiver and not as a giver. Be appreciative. I think you can push back a little when she asks so she doesn’t keep spending money on things you can’t use. That is also difficult to do without hurting some people’s feelings. Good luck.