A hospitalized friend might enjoy company, or help with an errand
QUESTION: Should I visit my friend in the hospital? Are there specific hours that I should go? Should I take a gift?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: Simply ask your friend if they are up for visitors and a time that would be best to visit. Flowers are always welcome when someone is in the hospital.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: This depends on your friend and your friend's loved ones. Can you call one of them and ask if you can come by and when? Some people welcome the company and appreciate the support in a challenging time, but some people are overwhelmed with the decisions and stress that go along with being in the hospital. If you do go by without checking first, then be prepared to be brief and offer a quick show of support. I do think it's important for friends to show up and support however they can, even if it is doing something away from the hospital like running errands (ask first) or preparing a meal for when they come home. At the hospital, flowers are a lovely thought and so is a card.
A batch of cookies of treats for those in the waiting room also might be nice if the hospital allows it. Think of what would bring you comfort and drop it by – or ask your friend or loved ones what they need. Be aware of whether items would be easiest for your friend to transport upon release from the hospital or handle while in the hospital. As for what time, check on hospital visiting hours if there are any or with your friend directly. Approach this with the idea of doing what your friend needs instead of your need to see your friend. It's a minor distinction but you can show them you care both in person and remotely.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Check with your friend before you go to see what time is convenient for a brief visit. There may be specific visiting hours in the hospital. Before you go, offer your services, as to anything the patient needs from home. I think patients appreciate visitors, unless there are extensive medical treatments going on. Stop at the nurse's station when you arrive to see if it OK to visit. Make the effort to see your friend, even if it is for five minutes. If you send flowers, be sure it is a small arrangement, since hospital rooms are small. You might take a few current magazines or a good book for your friend to read.
GUEST’S ANSWER: Adrienne Nobles, President, Junior League of Oklahoma City and vice president for Communications and Public Affairs, University of Central Oklahoma: The answers to your query are nuanced and dependent on the situation specific to the friend. If you know your friend's family or partner, reach out to them first to learn more and ask if your friend is OK with visitors. Or if your friend is able to communicate, text them to ask if and when would be a good time to visit. If these are not available options, lean toward being a caring friend and attempt a quick visit. If it turns out you are unable to see them, you made the effort, and they know that you care about their well-being. As for when to visit, check the hospital's visiting hours and, if possible, coordinate with family or the friend. Take care to work around meals and treatment times. To me, a gift is not required; however, if there is a specific item you think would brighten their day, go for it. I would steer clear of food or beverages, though, as they would likely conflict with their in-patient care.
Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.