Guest who’s not a fan of turkey wonders if it’s OK to change the menu
QUESTION: Everywhere I go during the holidays, turkey seems to be the main fare on the menu, and I am not a fan. Would it be rude to ask the host what they are serving before I go and explain turkey does not agree with me? Or should I continue to eat the other things the host is serving and forget about the meat dish?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: You can always offer to bring another meat or dish that you will eat. If you don’t want to do that, then just eat the other items.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: If you’ve been invited to someone’s home for Thanksgiving, then chances are there will be plenty of food even if you skip the main course. People serve turkey because it’s tradition that spans multiple generations, an old family recipe or something they love. I don’t think it’s OK for you as an individual to expect the host to change an entire meal at the holidays for your preferences. It undermines the work of the host and the enjoyment of others. Eat ahead of time, serve up the side dishes and know that you’re there to enjoy the company of your friends and family. If everyone is bringing a dish, then offer to bring something you like.
HELEN’S ANSWER: If you have dietary restrictions concerning turkey, maybe you should eat before attending the party, because when you accept a dinner invitation, it is your responsibility to be a gracious guest. You can push the food around on your plate like children do when they don’t like the food, or just take the vegetables and other items offered. It is difficult to ask the host to prepare a special dish just for you, so you might offer to bring a special meat dish that others can enjoy too.
GUEST’S ANSWER: JaNae Williams, food and dining reporter, The Oklahoman: The decision to ask a host what is being served at a meal before attending is one that should be made carefully. Factors to consider include how well you know the host, how large the party is and whether doing so runs the risk of causing an unnecessary disturbance in the planning for the meal.
If the host is likely to be offering other options for those with dietary restrictions, you may be able to request a swap, however asking for a special meal simply because you do not like an item is a far cry from that of someone with a food allergy or diet that requires special attention. It may be in your best interest to simply eat around the offensive item or learn to palate it. Otherwise, you could hazard being seen as a problematic or demanding guest and find yourself left off of future invite lists to avoid the trouble.
Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.