Talking your way out: Tips on moving around a party conversation
QUESTION: With the holiday season here, what is the best way to move around a party and not get bogged down in conversation with a person for a very extended time?
CALLIE’S ANSWER: Saying you have to go to the restroom or that you need a refill on your drink, those are always easy outs.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: I'm curious about this question. What do you see is the point of holiday parties? Meaningful connection or networking and seeing as many people as possible at one time? Do you find yourself in major conversations at parties and regretting it?
Some people see parties as a way to spend time with friends and meet interesting people and don't mind catching up that way, while others love seeing as many people as possible. Or maybe you just aren't interested in certain conversations you find yourself in. I'm wondering about what situation specifically led you to ask this question, but maybe I don't need those answers to try and tackle this subject.
Try bringing other people into a conversation as you talk and as others mingle. As people walk by, they'll say hello and you can pull them in. Introduce the new people to the one you're talking to and then graciously bow out. Or you can also excuse yourself to go get some food or another drink and then make your way to a different part of the room.
HELEN’S ANSWER: Enjoy circulating and chatting with everyone at the party. It is polite to to introduce yourself to people you have not met. Enjoy chatting with your friends, but, If there are some out-of-town guests, visit with them too. If you need to leave a group, excuse yourself to get some food or another drink.
Most people at the party want to be gracious guests, and want to be included in conversations, but are receptive to people coming and going in their conversation groups. Another way to leave a group is to offer to help the hosts with something that needs doing, like helping to serve the food. Enjoy your party and the holiday season!!!
GUEST’S ANSWER: Christina Nihira, community volunteer: December is the ultimate celebration in parties, special events and activities. Despite the frantic and chaotic pace, it allows family and friends to reconnect and catch up on life. However, this can create an overwhelming feeling when there's so many people to chat with and little time. The trick is to navigate the social scene and find a balance that avoids feeling trapped or confined.
If the party has attendees that I see or talk to on a regular basis throughout the year, I will quickly exchange pleasantries and seek others that I see infrequently. This allows more focus and engagement with those folks. As I circulate, I give myself a “mental” time limit for each interaction. This helps me to remain in the moment and know that I have the freedom to move on when the time's right.
Secondly, be aware of body language — be an active listener, maintain eye contact rather than looking down, scanning around the room and turning your body away from the conversation. Conversations inevitably have lulls so use this cue to politely excuse yourself, grab a drink and find a new spot at the party. If at some point you want to escape loud music or feel overwhelmed, take a break. The point is to prioritize your personal comfort and own style of merriment. After all, it is a party!
Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.