Stuck in the middle of friends’ relationship, financial drama

DEAR ANNIE>> My wife and I are in a pickle. We are friends with another couple, “Josh” and “Vanessa.” Vanessa happens to be a teacher at our kids’ school. One day, I was picking up my offspring and started chatting with her. I could tell she was sad and asked her about it. That’s when the floodgates opened.

She started telling me how she’s racked up credit card debt, and she said Josh doesn’t know about it. Josh has been under a lot of stress, and she doesn’t want to tell him. I consoled her and asked how much, thinking maybe a few hundred bucks. Her: “17.” Me: “Thousand?” Her: (slowly nods) I lied and told her it’s OK. I also told her she has to tell Josh. She agreed and said she’s planning on doing it next month, after he’s past a deadline at work. Then she asked whether my wife and I would lend her $500 for the time being so she could pay the minimum. I told her we’d talk it over.

So now we’ve got two questions. First, should we give her the money? Second, if need be, should we tell Josh at some point? If we were to tell him, Vanessa would hate us. But otherwise, Josh would hate us after eventually finding out. What would you do? — Couple in a Conundrum

Consider enrolling in a defensive driving class for adults. Many insurance companies even offer discounts for completing such courses.

DEAR COUPLE>> Sit this one out.

Don’t give Vanessa the money. Doing so would only enable her to maintain her spending addiction.

Don’t talk to Josh. Let Vanessa be the one to tell him. She’ll have to do it soon anyway if you don’t lend her the money for the credit card minimum.

I know you want to help, but resist. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and it’s got an express lane for people who get in the middle of their friends’ relationship problems. DEAR ANNIE>> Back-seat drivers are an absolute pet peeve of mine. I have been driving for 20 years, and I’ve never been in an accident, except one time when I hit a mailbox with my sideview mirror, and never had a ticket, except that one time in upstate New York.

I’m not an aggressive driver. I let people into my lane all the time. I don’t try to drive fast, but I am busy (and frequently late to things) and do try to keep up with the other cars around me.

However, from the way some friends react when they’re in my car, you’d think I’m Danica Patrick. And my husband is the worst. He constantly makes comments: “Stop tailgating.” “Slow down.” “You’re driving really fast.” And when he’s not verbalizing his thoughts, I can see him bracing for impact by grabbing the handle above the car door.

People’s constant feed- back about my driving is getting on my last nerve. How can I instill in them the confidence to enjoy the ride when I am behind the wheel?

— Driving Me Crazy DEAR DRIVING>> Well, you can start by being a better driver, because I doubt everyone who rides in your car is overreacting. You’re sending your passengers into survival mode, and they’re blurting things out in self- defense, not picking on you.

Consider enrolling in a defensive driving class for adults. Many insurance companies even offer discounts for completing such courses.

At the very least, I suggest you revisit the basics of driver’s ed: Adjust your mirrors (while the car is still parked) to avoid blind spots; leave a car length in front of you for every 10 miles per hour of speed, etc. And leave the house earlier so you’re not in such a rush to get places.

Those back-seat drivers will gladly hand over their keys, so to speak, once they see that you can steer them to safety.