ADVICE 90 year old man contemplates suicide to give more to his family

DEARANNIE>>

I am 90 years old and, considering my age, in fairly good health. My wife of 60 years died seven years ago. Almost all of my wartime buddies are gone, as well as my highschool friends. I live in relative comfort in a retirement home. My two grown children live far away, but thanks to the internet, we keep in touch almost weekly. Thanks to a rather frugal life and some investments, I have no money problems. The problem is that as of late, I am obsessed with the thought, which tends to keep me awake at night, that it is my parental duty to die as soon as possible so as not to deplete the inheritance any further. Assisted suicide is out of the question, so that leaves the illegal type. The thought itself does not bother me, as I feel that I have lived a most interesting and exciting life — well above the average — but this is the end. So what do I do?

— To Be or Not to Be

DEAR TBNB>>

Please, keep being. You’ve worked hard all your life to be able to live out a comfortable retirement and watch your grandchildren grow. Your purpose in life was never merely to provide financially for your family members; it was to support them in every sense of the word. That’s still true now.

Your great example of love, selflessness and a 60year marriage — that is the inheritance that really matters, the gift you’ve already given your children and grandchildren. Your presence in their lives means so much more to them than money ever could. Imagine the heartache they would feel to know you took your own life.

If your savings have dwindled by the time you pass away, so what? You are so much greater than the sum of your assets, and I’m sure that if your family members knew you were feeling this way, they would tell you the same thing.

If you find yourself consumed with persistent thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800273-8255.

DEARANNIE>>

I was recently married and had a big, fancy, expensive wedding. I limited guests to close friends, relatives and just a few “friends” from work. The cost per plate was $125. Here is the problem: One of the “friends” from work I invited was with her on-again, offagain boyfriend at the time. After receiving her invitation, she asked me at work whether she could bring him. I was a little put back, as it was an expensive wedding and I had not originally included her boyfriend because they were not in a committed relationship. Being put on the spot, I told her she could bring him.

Well, the wedding came, and they both came, ate, drank at the free open bar and danced.

After our honeymoon, my husband and I opened all the cards and gifts. There was nothing from her, not even a card. I double-checked and triple-checked just to make sure I was not missing a card from her.

It’s not that I was expecting a present, but I thought it rude and unusual for a guest to not even bring a card. I never said anything to her about it but rather stayed cool toward her afterward.

The question is: Should I have said something to her about it? Is this the new norm, to come to an expensive wedding and not even bring a card?

DEARWONDERING>>

Traditional etiquette holds that guests have up to one year after a wedding to send a gift, although ideally they should send their gifts within two months. It’s very possible that your gift will arrive any day now, so warm back up to your coworker.

DEARANNIE>>

The letter from “Worried Wife,” whose husband is so wrapped up in watching sports that it affects his moods, caught my attention. I was a youth hockey coach many years ago. One of the major problems I did encounter a couple of times was dealing with men who were described as having sports obsessions.

In your answer, you suggested that the wife encourage him to get involved with the kids’ activities. You mentioned that he might be happier about a goal scored by his children than he would be about a goal scored by his favorite team.

I can tell you that such men are prone to abusive, obscene tirades about anything that appears to go badly for their kids, and they are not people I wanted to see at the kids’ games.

I do not knowthe answer for this man (maybe anger management), but I know that a kids sporting event is not the place for someone like him. Let the obsessive super-fans have a soundproof room for their fun until they learn to be kinder to the rest of us.

— Kids’ Coach

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.