Morbidly obese family comments on in-law’s sparse eating habits

DEARANNIE » The holidays are coming, and I’m feeling anxious already. Most of the events with my family will include buffets — which will also include criticism about what I eat, how much I eat and how much I weigh. I am 5 feet 3 inches tall, and I weigh 115 pounds. My husband’s family members, with the exception of him, are, by medical definition, morbidly obese.

I am careful about what I eat. I exercise and take care of myself. So do my husband and our children. I have never and would never comment on what his family members eat or their weight. Why is it acceptable for them to comment on me? I’ll hear, “You don’t eat enough.” “Is that all you’re taking?” “You’re too skinny.” All comments are said loud enough for all to hear and with a snide tone.

Do I continue to smile and be silent? Is there something I should say in return? This has been going on for 29 years. — Sad About the Holidays

DEAR SAD » If one of your in-laws had a genuine worry about your weight and health, there would be a time and a place to talk to you about it, and it definitely wouldn’t be at the family holiday buffet, after a few glasses of wine, in front of every cousin, niece and nephew. It sounds as if they’re speaking more from a place of insecurity than concern.

That said, I doubt they have any idea that their comments are rude. Because thinness is idealized in our society, many people mistakenly think it’s OK to pick on a person for being skinny, even if they would never pick on someone for being heavy.

Talk to your husband about how these comments bother you. Perhaps he can persuade them to cut it out. And if they continue with their remarks anyway, try not to let it eat at you. What matters is that you’re healthy, and that’s something only you and your doctor can determine.

DEARANNIE » I totally recognized my daughter’s experience after she gave birth to my grandson in your recent column about postpartum depression. It was heartbreaking. Your identification of it and your recommendations were spot on, but it concerns me that you did not include medication as an option, as well. Perhaps you quite correctly assumed the therapist would prescribe an appropriate medication, but you missed an opportunity to inform the public that additional help in the form of medication is out there for many.

In my daughter’s case, the proper medication was what finally enabled her to break free and begin the path to regaining her old self and enjoying her son. It took her eight months to realize medication was what she needed. She looks back now and wishes she did not wait so long.

Thank you for bringing attention to the all-toocommon issue of postpartum depression. Too many people write it off as baby blues and don’t seek out help. I’m happy to say my daughter is back to her old self, while still on medication, and my grandson is now 8 years old, the joy of our lives. DEARANNIE » My husband and I often take car trips together up and down the East Coast to visit family. When my husband gets angry at other drivers, his temperament changes completely from fun-loving to someone who is going to “teach people a lesson.” He gives dirty looks and cusses them out. Other drivers often honk at him or yell. He thinks he’s a great driver.

Anyway, today I told him he was being a butt to the other drivers. He became profane and told me what I could do with my opinions. I waited a few minutes before telling him I did not feel I deserved his language. He said he didn’t care. I know that I called him a butt first, but was I wrong to say that I did not want to be in the car with him any longer? He refuses to let me drive.

I have been suggesting marriage counseling because he mimics me when he is angry, but so far, he is too busy. I have avoided being in the car with him as much as possible. He says I am being too paranoid and judgmental of his driving. I disagree. What do you think? — Buckled Up

DEAR BUCKLED » Not paranoid, just smart. Your husband needs to address his road rage problem before he hurts someone with his aggressive driving (or flips off the wrong driver and ends up in a fight).

Ask whether he’d be willing to let you record him in the car sometime. Then play it back to him a few days later, when he’s at home and calm. For many people, it’s enough of a wake-up call just to hear how they sound when they’re in road rage mode.

I would also encourage him to seek anger management treatment before marriage counseling, as this seems to be less a problem between you and more a problem between him and himself.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.