Law school student feels his parents are sheltering, hindering their success

DEAR ANNIE » I am a 21-year-old soonto-be senior in college applying to law school. I have almost a 4.0 and quite the resume, so I am sure I will be admitted into a decent school. I was planning on attending an in-state school here in Nebraska, but as I continue to search, I am starting to think it might not be a bad idea to check out a few schools in other states. My parents are supportive of my going to law school, but when I bring up the topic of visiting out-of-state schools, they completely shut down the idea of my ever leaving Nebraska. I understand where they are coming from. My brother chose to go out of state for law school, and it was an expensive, challenging experience for my whole family. However, he got a great education and matured and learned a lot through the process.

I really do consider myself to be a pretty practical young person. I chose an affordable, close-to-home college to appease my parents, and I’ve never insisted on studying abroad or going on any lavish spring break trips, unlike many of my peers. I am aware that I would probably be offered a better scholarship if I were to stay in Nebraska, and I know it would be much easier to stay in the state, as opposed to moving across the country. Still, I don’t think it would be such a horrible idea to explore my options, as choosing a law school is a major decision.

This has been a recurring issue in my household. Last summer, I was chosen for an internship with Congress in Washington, and just as I predicted, my parents made abundantly clear how ex- pensive it would be to move for the summer and how difficult it would be for me if I accepted the offer. So of course, I had to turn down the opportunity, working instead at a minimum wage job in my hometown. I know money is important, but I really feel that they focus too much on money and “practicality” and would much rather crush my dreams than help support my career goals. Also, we are not poor, so it seems as if the bigger issue is their reluctance to realize that I am an adult now and I can make my own decisions. My parents have probably babied me a little too much because I am the youngest in my family. How do I prove to them that I am becoming a mature, responsible soon-to-be college graduate who can make her own decisions?

— Babied Pre-Law

Student

DEAR BABIED » If you were to stick around and attend law school in Nebraska, your parents would have you close by physically, but mentally and emotionally you’d be more distant than ever. That’s because a mountain of resentment would separate you. You would always regret not pursuing the law school (and life) of your choice. Cherish your home, but follow your dreams. I’ve a feeling your parents will come around in time.

DEAR ANNIE » My husband of 18 years recently had a stroke and is in rehabilitation because of partial paralysis. I have been with him at the hospital every day since the ordeal, helping him get better.

While at the hospital, I found out through his Facebook page and his cellphone that he was cheating on me. I am frustrated and thinking of leaving him rot in his bed at the hospital.

We have three teenage and preteen children, and right now they are all feeling sorry for their dad.

Do I tell my kids what is going on? Or do I put on a fake smile and pretend all is good — at least until he gets out of the hospital, which may take years? I’m really not sure what I will do. If I do not do anything right now, I feel I will forgive him and go on as if it never happened.

— Frustrated and Lost

DEAR FRUSTRATED » Don’t tell your kids what’s going on; it would only hurt them. But don’t just put on a smile and pretend things are good, either. If you want to stick this out and try making the marriage work, you and your husband will need to see a marriage counselor. There are counselors who make house calls, so to speak, and in this case could meet with you and your husband right in his hospital room.

Your situation is obviously complicated, and I’m sure you’re experiencing a wide range of emotions all at once. So I would also recommend that you go by yourself to another therapist, someone who can provide you with tools for processing your feelings and practicing self-care during this tumultuous time.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators. com.