Neighbor’s son wreaks havoc throughout the neighborhood

DEARANNIE » I never thought that I would find myself writing to you, but I need advice on how to handle a situation with my neighbors’ 10-yearold son.

“Sam” comes into my yard, uninvited, at all hours of the day and night. He has not only climbed my apple trees and loaded his pockets with fruit but also stripped my tomato plants bare, trampled my potato vines and knocked the stuffing out of my scarecrow. On one occasion, I even found him doing his “business” on my begonias! Annie, I was so horrified that I couldn’t even speak. When his mother returned home from her yoga class that afternoon, I went over to talk with her. “Boys will be boys!” was about her only response. She also said, “The nanny is supposed to supervise him when he goes out.”

I would put up a fence, but my town’s zoning ordinances won’t allow it. The rest of the neighbors are up in arms about this kid, as well. With gardening season starting again, I amworried that there will be a repeat performance of last year’s reign of terror. My garden is my pride and joy, but with Sam on the prowl, not even a scarecrow is safe out there anymore. What can I do? — Ready to Throw in the

Trowel DEARREADY » This little garden gnome has made enough mischief, but his mother is the real troll here. It’s time for another chat. Ask what she will do to ensure her son doesn’t enter your yard again. This isn’t just a matter of manners. If he were to get injured while climbing one of your trees, you could end up facing a law- suit. Let her know that if he continues to trespass, you will contact local authorities. Good luck to you — and to your scarecrow. DEARANNIE » I am writing in reference to a letter from “Daughter,” who is feeling torn and guilty about her participation in her mother’s care.

It would be very helpful to caregivers if you would encourage them to find a caregivers support group in their area. We started such a group in our small town three years ago, and we continue to try to help caregivers get through their lives successfully. We have two hospice nurses and the director of the Area Agency on Aging as regular members, as well as a group of us who have been through it all. We encourage new members to let off steam, vent, cry, complain — whatever will help them at the time. Then we proceed to discuss their concerns and to help them find solutions to their problems. They leave the meeting feeling less alone and carrying a fat folder of written information to help them cope. Our direct concern is the well-being of the caregiver, though we can often find solutions for the patient in the process. Our particular group meets in the local hospital, and some are sponsored by hospice groups and are also available to the public.

Thanks so much for your attention to this important matter. Caregiving continues to grow as our population ages. — Carol Patterson, Greene County Caregivers

Support Group DEARCAROL » Thank you for sharing this very worthwhile suggestion. Support groups are a powerful resource. A weight is lifted when we realize we’re not alone. DEARSANDY » I’m so moved; I’m at a loss for words. All I can say is thank you, so very much, for sharing your beautiful, powerful story with the world. DEARANNIE » I do not normally read advice columns, but I now enjoy reading yours on a regular basis. I’d like to comment on the recent column that contained the letter from the gentleman who had a big whatif when it came to the woman he didn’t marry. As usual, your response was direct and made sense.

What I want to say is that I think there is a significant difference between harboring a regret and wondering about what life would be like if something in particular had happened. I think that most of us from time to time wonder about the what-ifs in our past. We all make decisions — some good, some bad — and we need to accept those decisions. We cannot change the past, but we can learn from the bad decisions. I think the gentleman who wrote to you is reacting in an unhealthy manner and needs counseling, which I hope can help him come to terms with his problem.

— George in Missouri DEARGEORGE » You’re right. It’s totally normal to have “what if” thoughts from time to time. That’s a natural part of reflecting on your life. When it becomes obsessive, as you mentioned, it’s time to dig deeper and figure out what in the present is making you so focused on the past. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

Annie Lane Dear Annie