Is It Just a Game?

DEARANNIE » My wife is borderline addicted to “Words With Friends” (an app game similar to Scrabble), and it’s causing me concern, in addition to creating some strife within our marriage. It would be one thing if she were only playing with other female players, but she also has an ongoing game with a former male classmate, which I consider to be a form of online flirting. Would you agree, or am I overreacting?

I still work, and my wife is retired, so when I’m ready for bed because I have to get up early, she is wide-awake and ready for late-night games with friends (one in particular). I have suggested repeatedly that she go to bed when I go, but she says she isn’t sleepy and is a latenight person, so she stays up until 1 or 2 a.m. playing “Words With Friends.” This continues to cause disharmony in our marriage, and it’s something I have a hard time accepting as permissible.

Please let me know how you and your readers feel about this issue.

— Concerned Husband

DEARCONCERNEDHUSBAND » Unless she’s exchanging flirty messages with this old classmate or spelling out inappropriate words on the board, I wouldn’t worry about the fact that she’s playing with him. There’s nothing wrong with connecting with old friends to play games online. There is, however, something wrong with allowing anything to consume your life — be it alcohol, drugs, work, television or even “Words With Friends.” Ask her whether she’s game for a challenge >> She uninstalls the app for two weeks; you commit to getting home from work on time and planning a few date nights during that period.

If she’s unwilling to give up an app for two weeks for the health of her marriage, then this is a deeper problem that requires the help of a counselor. DEARANNIE » I never proposed marriage to my wife, and if you think it’s worthy of printing, I will correct that in your column. We’re both faithful readers, so I’m sure she’ll see it. Here’s our story.

My family moved to our city during Christmas break of the fifth grade. Though my future wife and I lived within a mile of each other and could both walk to school, we had no classes together and never met. In junior high, we rode different school buses and shared no classes together. In high school, the 10th and 11th grades brought no classes together, and still we never crossed paths. Our senior year, in preparation of college, we both took typing. That’s the one class we ever shared. We started dating. We spent the first two years of college apart, but when we were home, we dated and spent a small fortune on stamps and envelopes to stay in touch. We spent the last two years of college together at the same university, and we dated each other exclusively. On a trip home during that last two years, we went to a jewelry store and put matching wedding bands on layaway. There was no engagement ring, nor was there a proposal. We just knew we were going to marry. So, now I’d like to ask: Teresa, will you marry me — again?

— Bill

DEARBILL » This is certainly a first, but your letter gave me such a smile I couldn’t not print it. I hope she says yes. DEARANNIE » I am a baby boomer and appreciate the 20th-century tradi- tion of “rising to the occasion” and taking in meals if a family member is ill or if there has been a death in the family. It is a kind and thoughtful gesture. I am in a club, and one member’s husband was diagnosed with cancer two years ago. At that time, our president assigned each member a time to take a meal to them, staggered by a few days. Our president requested that we share the menu with other club members so there wouldn’t be duplicated meals. The member’s husband recently died, and our president has again requested that we take food to the house. And we are stepping up to the plate and doing so.

This member is financially very well-off. Her husband retired from a career in government, and his retirement income was well over six figures annually. She is a successful Realtor. In 21st-century America, supermarkets have deli departments, and restaurants have takeout options. Home delivery of food is available. I agree that taking food to folks in these circumstances is a kind and gracious act, but I’m wondering whether that’s still what etiquette dictates.

— Wondering

DEARWONDERING » Sure, it’s easier than ever to have food delivered. But the gesture of bringing meals to the grieving or sick has never really been about making things more convenient for them (though that’s part of it). It’s about community. It’s about showing someone going through a hard time that he or she has the support of friends and neighbors. So I’d encourage you to do whatever you can. If you find you don’t have time to cook, then picking up takeout is just fine, too. It’s your stopping by that counts.