Married but Alone

My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years. Sometimes I think I don’t know him at all. He hardly calls or texts me when at work, but he would call his siblings at any time of the day. He doesn’t answer my calls or respond to my texts messages, either. He is often late from work, usually arriving two hours after he’s done even though it’s 30 minutes away.

I feel isolated and lonely. I’m often perplexed by my husband’s reaction whenever I tell him how I feel. Recently, I told him, “I don’t think you love me.” And he replied, “Go tell your friends that.” He isn’t happy if I go out for dinner with my girlfriends. He seldom goes out, because I caught him lying once.

I feel trapped and tired in this relationship. What should I do? help. But please, do get help. It could change your life.

I disagree with your answer to “Doctor Mother,” who noticed a lump on her son’s girlfriend’s neck. My husband, “Bob,” was sitting next to his boss, “Roger,” who is a doctor and health commissioner. Roger noticed that Bob’s neck bumped out when he swallowed. Roger examined Bob’s neck while he swallowed again and said to go for a biopsy. It was thyroid cancer in both lobes of his thyroid, which he then had removed.

A year later, I noticed a lump in my daughter’s neck during a visit. She was in her early 20s. She followed my advice and had it checked out. A biopsy revealed cancer in a lymph node that had come from her thyroid. She had the thyroid removed one month later. Had I not insisted, the cancer could have spread even further. I don’t even want to think of that possible outcome. Today she is 39 and cancer-free. My husband is also cancerfree.

So my advice for “Doctor Mother” is to speak up and tell her son’s girlfriend to get it checked out. Better to be safe than sorry! A lump isn’t always a skin condition. It could be a swollen lymph node. women on the internet. Maybe it’s an attempt, albeit a clumsy one, to reassure her. But it’s disrespectful to judge someone’s feelings when she comes to you with a concern. I’m thinking that she might be more inclined to feel better after a genuine (and gentle) conversation about it.

Maybe looking at pictures of pretty women makes him happy. Why not just say so while reassuring her that he doesn’t find her any less attractive because of it? A simple “I’m so sorry, because it isn’t my intention to hurt you, and the issue isn’t that you’re not enough” would be a nice start. In fact, looking at those pictures may be enhancing his attraction to his wife. (We men are a little more complicated than we let on sometimes.)

If he’s smart, what he won’t say is that his wife is being silly for feeling a little hurt or insecure or anything else. Ever.

Agreed. And I think the following letter underlines your point.

What she should really be concerned about isn’t her husband’s actions. It’s his reaction. Some men like to look at women in that context; some don’t. But a significant other is expected to be understanding of his or her partner and to make compromises. Respect is the one boundary all relationships should have in common.