Space Needed

DEAR ANNIE » I am in a predicament. My best friend is also my neighbor, and I don’t know how to tell him I would prefer a call or text before he shows up in our house. It’s a daily occurrence. Sometimes I don’t even get into my house after work before he is here to hang out, chat, find out what we are having for dinner and just be here with us. I love him like a brother, and we are close, but it’s becoming such an issue that I cringe when I get home from work and find him already waiting for me in my home. After a day of work, sometimes I like to just relax for a while and be with my wife and children. My wife is tired of this, too.

I know he is lonely because his wife works early and stays late, but there aren’t any boundaries. And I know that if I were to tell him I need space, he would be hurt and stop coming over altogether. How do I handle this? — Need Space in the

Desert

DEAR NEED SPACE IN THE

DESERT » You are going to tell your friend how you feel; that’s inevitable. It’s just a matter of whether you do it now — in a calm, reasonable manner — or later, when you can’t take it anymore and finally snap. The best thing you can do for your friendship, your family and your sanity is to get ahead of the resentment and be honest with him.

The next time he’s at your house (which I’m guessing will be today), sit down with him toward the end of his visit, when it’s just you two, and give it to him straight. Tell him that you love living near your best friend but you want to have more time for just the family. Say that because of this, it would be best if he called or texted before coming over. He may be slightly surprised or embarrassed, and yes, he may avoid your house for a little while. But you can always call him up and invite him over when you’d like to see him. I have a feeling he’ll come around. Good fences make good neighbors, and good boundaries make for better friendships.

DEAR ANNIE » Women have served in the U.S. military since the Revolutionary War. In the past, they even dressed up as men to be able to serve their country. But female active-duty service members and veterans are not given the same recognition as men.

I have a T-shirt that I wear that says, “I am a United States Air Force veteran.” I’ve had a few people say it’s nice my husband served. I don’t have a husband. I am the veteran.

Similarly, in the female veterans organization I belong to, we have hats that say we are veterans and state our branch of service. We’ve almost never gotten a “Thank you for your service.” We get walked past. Even when I’ve outright told people I was in the service, I don’t get a thank-you.

I was in a restaurant recently where an active-duty servicewoman was sitting in her battle dress uniform. In the next booth was a Vietnam War veteran in a “Vietnam vet” baseball cap. A man walked right past the active-duty servicewoman and went to the next booth to thank the veteran for his service. Yes, the Vietnam veteran should have been recognized for his service; Vietnam vets have been denigrated for too many years for fighting a war no one wanted. But really, he couldn’t see the woman sitting there in her uniform? She still is serving her country and deserves to be recognized for it.

Female veterans make up 9 percent of veterans today, and it will grow to 17 percent by the year 2043. Many of these women put their lives on the line every day, too. Female veterans who haven’t been deployed have served in critical areas of our military, allowing for men to be able to fight on the front lines.

Please, Annie, remind our country that men and women have served in our military and that women would also like to be thanked for their service. — A Vietnam-Era Female

Veteran

DEAR VETERAN » Thank you for your service.

I’d like to encourage readers to donate to the Service Women’s Action Network (https:// www.servicewomen.org), which empowers women in the armed forces with access to the critical resources and services they need. “Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators. com.