Home imposition

DEARANNIE>> I’m getting sick of my living situation. After college, I moved in with a very close family friend. He has an awesome house right by the beach and was kind enough to offer me his spare bedroom for very cheap rent while I’m still looking for a full- time job. It was really perfect for the first few months; he’s a really mellow, simple guy who generally keeps to himself. But lately, I feel as if I’m walking on eggshells at home.

You see, he’s a bit older — in his 40s — and he has never been married. All of the furniture and appliances in the house are his. It’s a pretty tiny space, so we agreed to just share appliances and things when I moved in. I’ve always been respectful of his space. At night, he likes to cook for hours and play video games in the living roomuntil 11 o’clock or so. Lately, if he comes home to me watching a movie on ( SET ITAL) his ( END ITAL) TV or cooking on ( SET ITAL) his ( END ITAL) stove or even just stretching before a workout in the living room, he gets all bunged up and passiveaggressive. I’m only comfortable when confined to my room. What’s the best way to handle this? DEARTIPTOEING>> To think — a 40- something single man who prefers to be alone and play video games doesn’t like sharing his space?! Shocking.

You have a right to feel comfortable, so talk to him and see what happens. It’s unrealistic for him to expect you to live like a ghost. But at the end of the day, you are in ( SET ITAL) his ( END ITAL) home, and this was supposed to be temporary. So enough with the tiptoeing. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and march on to a newapartment. DEARANNIE>> I’m finally finding my stride in life. I have a good job, amcompletely financially independent and am constantly busy working on projects. I feel good about my accomplishments. I have a formerly close friend — let’s call her Christine — who hasn’t really grown in my direction. She met a 35- year- old wealthy artist last year and has been a kept lady since then. She casually floats between jobs and spends almost every day just doing yoga, going to the beach and smoking marijuana. It’s as if she has no clear picture of what she wants to do with her life.

I was initially sad when she stopped putting in effort to hang out, but I’ve been sort of ambivalent since realizing we don’t have much in common anymore. I would rather spend my time with people who are actually doing things with their lives.

She recently reached out to me and apologized for being off the radar, and she said she wants to hang out. I’m not sure whether I really want to rekindle the friendship. She’ll probably show up high anyway. What do you think? DEARLOSINGTOUCH>> How’s the boyfriend’s art? Any idea? Have you given her new life a chance, or are you dismissing it out of hand because it’s not what you would choose for yourself?

We’re all on our own paths. Perhaps hers is a meandering one. There’s nothing wrong with that. You shouldn’t compare your life, scoreboard- style, with anyone else’s life — especially not a friend’s. Christine no doubt senses the judgment, and that’s why she’s been distancing herself.

Meet up with her and have an open mind.

DEARANNIE>> I’m a grandmother to five children. My son Brian and his wife, Amanda, have a 3- year- old and a 6- month- old together.

They live several states away, about a five- hour drive. I get to see themclose to once a month, though, as they continually ask me to watch the kids while they go on vacation.

When their baby was only 3 months old, they took a trip to a resort in Mexico. Personally, I would never leave an infant, so I don’t understand their desire to leave so often. Now they’re going on a weeklong cruise, and I’ll be baby- sitting again.

I don’t mind watching the grandkids. I love them to the moon and back, and really, I appreciate how nice it is that I get to spend time with them, especially while they’re still little and thrilled to see their grandma. But I think it’s getting out of hand, and I feel as if my son and daughter- in- law think I don’t have a life of my own. AmI being ridiculous? DEARFRUSTRATED>> Here’s a word that will change your life: “No.” Try using it the next time your son and his wife are daydreaming of making a tropical getaway and leaving you in charge of their home life.

Giving in to their requests all the time will leave you feeling taken advantage of and resentful. And that’s a surefire way to damage your relationship with your son. Set boundaries.