Taking babysitters for granted

DEAR ANNIE >> As the parent of a 16-year-old daughter who does a fair amount of babysitting, I wanted to vent about how inconsiderate I find many “parents” in dealing with babysitters.

It’s not cool to show up two hours after you have told your babysitter you would be home. I understand things can come up, but two hours is a long time! These kids have lives and make plans around what hours they work. This is what I call “babysitter abuse.”

It’s also not cool to “agree” on a fee for babysitting and then, when you show up two hours late, not take that into consideration and pay accordingly. Also, if you know you are going to be late, communicate with the babysitter.

If you know you are going to be out drinking, you also might want to let the child know you won’t be able to give them a ride home. Last week, my daughter said she could clearly smell alcohol on the parent who gave her a ride home.

These kids are put in tough spots at times and can feel uncomfortable challenging adults, especially when their payment is at stake. So, all you parents out there, think about how you would want your daughter or son treated if they were babysitting. Our daughter won’t be watching those kids again.

DEAR CONCERNED PARENT >> Driving under the influence is never OK, especially if you have a minor in the car. The events you describe are babysitter abuse, no question. Rather than telling your daughter to have nothing to do with those parents, this could be a good learning experience. If she were to have a conversation with the parents about how their behavior was so unfair and inconsiderate, then she would gain confidence and these parents would gain understanding. Be with your daughter during this conversation, provided that you can stay calm.

It might not work, but either way, your daughter will look up to you for defending her and will know that if people treat her unfairly, she has the right to speak up in her own defense.

DEAR ANNIE >> Regarding the letter from “Curious About Peoples’ Past,” I would like to share what my five sisters and I did during one of our annual get-togethers. I am the youngest, and my oldest sister is 18 years older than me. A friend of our mother had previously written a brief story of mom’s life, which was fascinating, since she was 41 years old when I was born. This gave me the idea to ask my sisters to each write a brief bio of their lives.

While we all experienced many of the same things, I had hoped we would write those same experiences and compare our memories of the events. That did not happen. We all chose to focus on different memories. In fact, I was not even mentioned in my two older sisters’ stories, but instead I learned what their childhood was like growing up on a farm, helping Daddy with the chores.

This was because there were only girls in our family for many years. My brother did not come along until later in life. I also learned more about my dad, as I was 9 when he died, and my only memory of him was of his being ill.

It was a great gathering, which left us with more memories, lots of laughs and, most of all, a bit of family history to pass along to our children and grandchildren.

DEAR PRESERVING THE MEMORIES >> What a beautiful tradition. I am printing your letter in hopes that people will follow your lead and put pen to paper to secure their childhood memories this holiday season. What’s a better way to spend this time than enjoying laughter, family history and a lot of joy. Thank you for your insightful suggestion.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.