Wanting a break from the front lines

DEAR ANNIE » Due to COVID-19 and the economic downturn, I was recently laid off and am getting unemployment. My wife, meanwhile, is a health care worker who still has to work with COVID-19 positive patients. She is ticked off at me, and everything else, and would like some time off. Please help.

— Husband at Home

DEAR HUSBAND » First, a huge thank you to your wife and all the other health care workers and emergency responders on the front lines of this crisis; the sacrifices that they’re making for the rest of us are truly remarkable. And thank you to the family members, such as yourself, who are these workers’ rocks.

It may be a while before your wife can take any real time off. Your job, in the meantime, is to make her time away from work as stressfree as possible. That means stepping up with any household chores that she might normally manage, having a meal ready when she’s off work, and offering a sympathetic ear whenever she needs to vent.

I know that this isn’t an easy time for you, either. No one wants to be laid off. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Hang in there, and trust that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, even if we can’t quite see it yet.

DEAR ANNIE » I have a problem in my marriage, one I thought we’d solved, but it has recently resurfaced. My husband has Asperger’s syndrome. When he runs across any item around the house that isn’t familiar to him, he just throws it away or gives it away for free online. I have lost things that were family keepsakes, jewelry, clothes.

I finally got us in marriage counseling about six years ago. After three years, our therapist said we had resolved our major problems, so we were dismissed.

As our problems have escalated again recently, I asked him to go back to therapy. He answered that he had been to therapy so he didn’t need nor want to go back.

— Worn-down Wife

DEAR WORN-DOWN » No one graduates from therapy. I applaud the two of you for attending marriage counseling and working through previous problems. It sounds as though it helped, which is why you were able to stop going. New issues have arisen, and now you would benefit from returning. It’s as simple as that. Tell your husband that it will make life less stressful for both of you.

Also, I would consider investing in a safe with a combination lock for your keepsakes and other treasured items.

DEAR ANNIE » I was touched by “Grateful Grandmother.” I am a grateful nana. I have raised three grandsons, due to my daughter’s drug use. Two are 24 and 20. The youngest is 11. Fortunately, my library, in conjunction with the YMCA, holds a monthly grandparents support group. It is a wonderful resource.

I have also seen some distancing from other parents to me as a grandmother. I am 72. It can be hurtful. But I encourage play dates and I try to be friendly when I meet these parents. You just keep trying. My grandson has several friends because of these efforts. The best part of being a grandparent raising my grandchildren is that it keeps me young. And I have so enjoyed every moment of my grandsons’ lives.

— Grateful Nana

DEAR GRATEFUL » Your gratitude is beautiful and inspiring. Though in-person support groups are limited at this time, many groups are organizing meetings online via video conference. So I encourage you to reach out to your fellow grandparents and set something up, if you haven’t already. Helpful platforms for online meetings include Zoom (http://www.zoom. us) and Google Hangouts (https://hangouts. google.com).

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.